The Long Road Ch13a

[lothinielflowermaiden]

Chapter Thirteen

            Even knowing that he would get in trouble hadn’t prepared Norway for the extent of Birger’s disapproval. As soon as he got back from the meeting, Birger immediately began questioning him about who he had been with during the lunch break.

            Norway remained silent during the questioning. He knew Birger suspected he had been with his family, so he really didn’t see any point in answering. Over the past month, he had started talking to Birger as little as possible.

            “If you do something like this again, Haldor, I will forbid you to attend the meetings,” Birger said at last. “I’ve told you before that we can’t afford to lose you. You’re too important. We can’t take the chance that your family might take advantage of your condition.”

            So it seemed as if they were back to that argument, as usual. Birger seemed convinced that Norway’s family was just waiting for the chance to take advantage of him. It had gotten easier for Norway to hear that, now that he knew his family cared about him. But he still didn’t like being told that, or being told that he was only important because of what he was.

            “I needed to talk to them,” Norway said at last. After all, he had claimed he’d been discussing something related to the meeting, which meant there shouldn’t be much harm in Birger knowing who he had talked to. Plus, he was getting tired of following Birger’s rules all the time.

            “Haldor, I have already made it clear that I am aware that nothing really gets done at the meetings. Therefore, you could not have had anything you needed to talk to your family about. And truthfully, you shouldn’t have been allowed to attend the meeting at all.”

            Every time he got told something like that, it got harder for Norway to suppress any visible signs of how annoyed he was at hearing the same thing over and over. The first few months, it had been easier. He hadn’t felt anything then, so there had been nothing to conceal. Now, though, he couldn’t even process all the things he felt and it was getting difficult to keep up his emotionless mask. So, he once again forced himself to keep silent.

            Birger didn’t seem to be aware of the effect that he was having on Norway, or if he was aware, then he didn’t seem to care. Instead, he merely kept talking about all the reasons why Norway shouldn’t be allowed to attend the World Meetings at all. “For one thing, these meetings don’t represent any official organization, and certainly not one that we are part of. Also, you’re not strong enough yet to be doing all this traveling. You should have recovered more than you have, so I don’t think letting you attend the meetings is good for you. We can’t afford to take the risk that someone might take advantage of your condition.”

            That was probably the worst part of all–Birger’s constantly stated belief that any other nation was just waiting to take advantage of Norway. He didn’t even want to think what might happen if Birger ever learned his secret. For that matter, he didn’t want anyone outside his family to find out. Not wanting to here anymore of Birger’s comments that evening, Norway got up and walked out of the room. He stayed in his room until he was called to come out and eat dinner.

~*~

            And so the days passed. Norway continued to avoid Birger when he could, but there were limits to how much avoidance was possible. He began to count down the days until June’s world meeting, even though there was no guarantee he would be allowed to attend.

            One morning, close to a week after he had returned from the meeting, Norway woke up early due to another nightmare. Although the details of the nightmare could not be recalled, Norway knew that this one hadn’t been about Scandia. It had been about something a little more recent–the Occupation.

            Remembering what the days date was, Norway realized why he had dreamed about that. It was May 8^th-Liberation Day. He had been trying to push those memories out of his mind, lately. Dealing with everything that Scandia’s visit had brought to surface was bad enough, without the memory of the other time one of his secrets had almost been revealed. If it hadn’t been for the conditions during the Occupation–

            Not wanting to think about that, he got up and turned on the light. Then he picked up a book and tried, rather unsuccessfully, to keep himself distracted.

~*~

            It was the next day that Norway had his doctor’s weekly appointment. The doctor was growing increasingly concerned about him, as his physical condition showed no signs of improvement. He was still losing weight, and he had never fully gotten back to a healthy weight before relapsing.

            About the only thing that the doctor found encouraging was the fact that there had been a slight improvement to Norway’s emotional state. It was barely noticeable, since Norway kept most of his emotions hidden, but it was there.

            Even with that improvement, the physical issues were still a major cause for concern. But every attempt that anyone made to find out what was bothering Norway was met with no response. Even after all these months, none of the humans involved knew how Norway had ended up in that condition. They knew only that it had not been due to a national issue. Both the previous incident and the current relapse were caused by personal issues.

            And so, once again, at the end of the appointment, the doctor made another attempt to get information from Norway.

            “Haldor, when was the last time you ate something?”

            As usually happened when he was pressed for any kind of information, Norway refused to answer.

            “If you lose much more weight, I will have no choice but to have you readmitted to the hospital, on the grounds that you are a danger to yourself.” He didn’t really expect that statement to make much of a difference, but he was prepared to follow through on it–if for no other reason that the fact that it might be the only get Norway away from the person that the doctor suspected might be the reason for this relapse. There was something about Birger’s treatment of Norway that just didn’t seem quite right. However, without any proof that really was the problem, there was nothing he could do about his suspicions.

            “You don’t need to do that. I know what I’m doing, and I have this under control.” This was the first time that Norway had actually given an answer when he was talked to about this. But the answer wasn’t very encouraging.

            “Haldor, if you were human, you probably would have died back in January. As it was, for that first day, we weren’t sure if you would survive. We don’t want to take any more chances with your health.” By now, he really was at a loss for how to help Norway, but he knew that something would have to be done, and soon. Whatever was causing Norway’s condition to worsen again could not be allowed to continue.

~*~

            Over the next several days, Norway grew more and more tired of the way Birger treated him. He began to increasingly long for a way out, but he could not think of one. The idea of just leaving was more tempting with every day.

            With everything that had been going on, Norway had almost forgotten that it was getting close to his birthday. Well, he hadn’t so much forgotten as just not thought about it. Plus, he couldn’t forget the fact that it would also be the anniversary of his mother’s death, and he still remembering Scandia telling him that he should have died with his mother.

            It wasn’t until the evening before his birthday that he finally had a reason to hope that he might get the break he longed for. He noticed after work that day that Birger seemed noticeably displeased about something. He found out what soon after they got back to the house.

            “Haldor, I have been ordered to let you be on your own tomorrow. I’m not sure this is a good idea, since I’m not sure you’re strong enough. And I would recommend that you be careful not to do anything you’re not strong enough for. And you are still to return here tomorrow night.” It was very clear that Birger was displeased at having to allow Norway even that much freedom.

            It was more than Norway had let himself hope for. Although he would still have to come back in the evening, the prospect of a day away from Birger was a relief. He hadn’t been sure if he could manage to wait until the next World Meeting.

            That night, he managed to force himself to eat more than just a few bites of his dinner. The thought of a free day brought enough relief for that at least.

~*~

            What little sleep Norway was able to get that night was restless, but thankfully free from nightmares. He never slept deeply enough for the nightmares to come. By some unconscious effort, he always managed to wake up before he could reach the point at which the dreams could come. He knew that after everything that had happened in the last several months, that Scandia would not let the day pass without finding a way to remind him of what else it was the anniversary of.

            Despite not having gotten the best night’s sleep, Norway was up early. Since his true nature was known to so few people, he had no official responsibilities that day. Most years, he spent at least part of the day with his family, but he knew that was out of the question this year. They were still forbidden to visit him. Somewhere deep inside, though, he was hoping to hear from them.

            Even though he had no actual plans, or any real hope of seeing his family, Norway was determined to at least get as much as he could out of this one day of freedom. He did not know when Birger would give him another, and sometimes he wondered how much longer he could stand the situation. By this point, the only thing that was making it possible for Norway to continue to tolerate the situation was the fact that Birger worked for his government and was apparently following orders. All of the nations had been warned at some point in their lives of dire consequences if they went against their government. Many of them doubted the truth of those warnings, but still, most nations were careful not to openly defy their government, however horrible their governments orders might be.

            Of course, there was a little more to it than all the vague warnings about defying someone from the government. Norway was afraid of what he might reveal if he lost any of the control he tried to keep in place whenever he was around any of his people. He could not afford to let any humans know his secret, and he could not bear the see the shame in the eyes of his people if they learned of how weak he had been.

            Norway had hoped to sneak out of the house before having to deal with Birger, but was unsuccessful. Under Birger’s orders, he had to attempt for force down a few bites of breakfast, while listening to remainders about not overdoing it, as well as all the reasons why he could not be given his phone for the day.

            Finally, though, he was allowed to leave. This was the first time since January that he had been allowed to be outside alone, even in his own capital. Ever since he had been discharged from the hospital, when he had not been at meetings, he had only been allowed out of Birger’s house to go to work or to doctor’s appointments. And even then, Birger had always either accompanied him, or made sure he was accompanied by someone. He had even been watched that closely during two of the three world meetings he had been allowed to attend.

            For the first few moments, he just enjoyed actually being outside, and not having any place that he needed to go. Giving the situation he had been in for the last few months, this chance was one of the best birthday presents he could have been given.

            Norway quickly left the area near Birger’s house, wanting to get some distance before Birger could find a way to have him watched. After the past few months, he really wouldn’t be surprised if that happened.

            At first, he kept his guard up, partially because of the worry that he would still be watched, and partially because he could not get rid of the fear that Scandia would somehow find a way to remind him of what else this day represented. Gradually, though, he began to relax. After all, he was surrounded by his people, so he had no reason to be frightened that Scandia might do something. Plus, during the day, he was safe from his father. It was only at night, while he slept, that Scandia could get to him. (At least until that next visit, but Norway was determined not to think about that. He could not be certain that Scandia would ever try to visit again, after all.)

            Norway had actually let his guard down enough that he did not notice that anyone was approaching him until he was pulled into an embrace. When that happened, the fears he had been trying to suppress returned, and only the tight control that he always tried to keep on his emotions kept him from crying out. It wasn’t enough to keep him from trying to get away, though.

            “Nor, it’s alright. It’s just us,” a familiar voice said from behind him.

            Norway felt relief sweep over him when he recognized Denmark’s voice. However, he was determined to show no sign of that. Instead, he merely said, “I should have realized, just by the way you completely lack the ability to keep your hands to yourself. And don’t call me that when there are people around.” There was a good chance that even if their nation names were used in public, any humans that overheard would just rationalize the country names as being used as nicknames. However, with everything else that had been going on lately, he didn’t want to take any chances with that. “And let go of me.”

            Once he had been released, Norway was able to look around and see that his whole family was there. He hadn’t even allowed himself to hope to see them before the next meeting, even once he had found out he would have a day of freedom. Then, the earlier worry that Birger might still find a way to have him watched returned, and he quickly looked around to see if anyone seemed to be watching them. No one was.

            “We have permission to see you today because of your birthday,” Finland said, having noticed that.

~*~

            Later that day, they all went back to Norway’s house. He had not really spent any time there since early January. Occasionally, he was allowed to go there in order to get items to take back to Birger’s house, but he was always accompanied by Birger. Despite the fact that he had hardly been there for several months, though, the house did not seem to have been abandoned. Instead, it appeared as if someone, or something, had actually been keeping the place looking like he could return at any moment.

            The other four Nordics had all kept a close eye on Norway that morning. After his initial moment of fear, Norway seemed to be acting almost normal. However, they could see that he seemed to have lost more weight just in the two weeks since the meeting. That made them worried that Norway may be hiding something behind the attempt to normality.

            “How did you get permission to come here?” Norway asked, once they were all settled in his living room. He couldn’t believe that Birger would have allowed the others to come after going to such measures to keep him from having any contact with them.

            “We went to someone else from the department. No one else seemed to know anything about the fact that we weren’t allowed to see you.”

            For a few moments, silence fell. Norway knew that he shouldn’t be surprised that Birger had told another lie. That much at least was easy to deal with. Less easy to deal with was the knowledge that he could have gone to someone else from his government this whole time. And he wondered why Birger seemed so determined to keep him isolated. He almost wondered if Birger had some other motive for keeping him away from his family–something other than the claim to want to protect him.

            As he remembered how annoyed Birger had seemed the previous evening, Norway realized that Birger had probably know the others were coming that day. That was probably the real reason for the disapproval. He wondered if that was also why Birger hadn’t allowed him to have his phone for the day.

            “I didn’t think you’d really be allowed to visit,” he said, at last. “Birger gave me permission to spend the day without him, but he didn’t say anything about the fact that you were coming.”

            “We wouldn’t miss your birthday, Nor.”

            At first, it seemed as though Norway was about to say something in response to that, but in the end, he remained silent. His face wore its usual lack of expression, giving no indication of what he might have been thinking. He had given enough away, though for the others to suspect that something about that statement had upset him.

            “Birger might not have actually known we were coming,” Finland said, giving an answer to the question that Norway hadn’t actually asked. “The person we spoke to just said he would arrange for you to be somewhere that we could meet you without Birger interfering.”

            “Whatever Birger knew, he didn’t approve of it.” Norway really had no idea why Birger was so against allowing him any contact with his family. As he still had no memory of what had happened at the hospital, he suspected that Birger’s actions were because he had never answered any of the questions he was asked. Of course, he couldn’t answer the one question everyone had kept asking him–he couldn’t explain who had hurt him when no one would believe him.

            After that, the conversation changed to other topics–topics which were less difficult to talk about. And, the day passed, until it was evening. The others had stayed long enough to make sure that Norway actually ate something for dinner, as they were all concerned by how much weight he had lost again. Although none of them wanted to say it out loud, they were all afraid that Norway might get sick again, the way he had been in the winter. And, they were concerned by how little he did eat. The knowledge that his day of freedom was almost over and he was about to have to return to Birger’s house had too much of an effect on Norway. He had resolved though, that the next time he went into work, he would talk to someone else from his government, and at least find out if there was someone else he could stay with.

            The others, meanwhile, had resolved a way to make sure that they did not lose contact with Norway this time. They did not want to take the chance of losing him completely.