lothinielflowermaiden

Author's notes: I didn't quite get everything that I was hoping to in this chapter. There turned out to be other things that needed to be dealt with first, and I liked where this chapter ended. The conversation that I hinted about in my author's notes to the previous chapter is still coming. The characters are just being stubborn about actually having that conversation.

Warning: This chapter contains discussion of abuse, eating disorders, and an apparent suicide attempt. These all refer back to things that were previously mentioned or that happened in earlier chapters, and nothing graphic is shown in this chapter. However, since I know the mentions can also be triggering for some people, I chose to specifically warn.

Chapter Fifteen

Norway had not been discharged until early afternoon after he had (supposedly) eaten lunch and been given one last examination by the doctor. A government official had shown up around that time with Norway's phone and ID. Then, the whole family had gone back to Norway's house so he could pack whatever he wanted to bring with him. That had taken longer than they had expected it to—long enough for the others to wonder if Norway was intentionally stalling. In fact, they all noticed some small signs of apprehension that Norway was trying to conceal, but none of them had any idea what might be causing it.

Things had taken long enough that, even with the shortcut, it was late afternoon by the time they got to Sweden and Finland's house, where they had decided to stay for the time being. That decision had involved a bit of discussion, but in the end they had decided to make this as much like a normal family gathering as possible.

"Do you want to go upstairs and rest until dinnertime?" Finland asked, once they had been in the house for a few minutes and Norway still had not gone more than a few steps past the door.

"No." The answer was given quickly, and held more than a hint of the fear that the others were growing increasingly used to seeing.

That was when they realized their mistake. They were in the same house where they had spent most of Scandia's visit, which meant that Norway must have some recent bad memories associated with the room he usually stayed in. Although they had spent some time there before January's world meeting, at the time, Norway had been in a much worse condition physically and had not given them any reason to suspect that being in that house might upset him.

"Why don't we go into the living room and sit down for a while at least?" They could figure out what to do about the fact that Norway didn't want to go upstairs later, but they wanted to at least get him into the house. At the same time, though, they had to be careful to avoid forcing him into anything.

It took a few moments, but Norway eventually managed to walk the short distance to the living room and sit down on the edge of the couch. He immediately grabbed a couch pillow, which he wrapped his arms around and held in front of his chest like a shield. Although his expression gave nothing away, that was enough for the others to tell he was uneasy. They all exchanged concerned looks, none of them quite sure what to do.

"I'll talk to him," Finland said, after a few moments of silent conversation. After all, he was still the only one that Norway seemed to be able to talk to about any of this.

Once the other three reluctantly left the room, Finland sat down on the other end of the couch. "Are you going to be alright if we stay here for a while?" he asked.

Norway did not answer immediately, although in this case, his silence probably was something of an answer.

"We can go somewhere else, if you need. We just wanted to try to make things as normal as possible, but none of us thought about the fact that we spent so much time here last summer." Finland was careful not to specify that the time he was referring to was Scandia's visit, not wanting to risk making Norway more uncomfortable.

"I'll be alright," Norway said, doing a fairly good job of standing as emotionless as he usually did. "I'm just not ready to go up there yet."

"Would it be easier for you to stay in a different room?" All of their kind had several rooms in their houses, a legacy of the days when several nations could end up living together in one house for as long as a few hundred years.

"I can handle it," Norway answered. He didn't want them to know how afraid being back in that house was making him. After everything that happened in the last year, he couldn't afford to show any more signs of weakness. Somehow, he had to get back to normal, and in order to do that, he would have to stay in his usual room. "I just needed some more time." Hopefully, that explanation would be sufficient to cover his earlier hesitation.

"Norja, if being here makes you too uncomfortable, you can tell us. We'll make other arrangements. You don't need to force yourself to do anything you're not ready for. None of us are going to think less of you because of any of this. We just want you to be alright."

Norway didn't reply to that, and for a while they just sat in silence. After a few moments, Hana-Tamago came into the room and hoped up on the couch next to her owner. Finland petted the dog, as he studied Norway for some sign of how much of what he had said had actually gotten through to the other man. Even after a few minutes, though, he still could not tell if his words had made any kind of impression. Norway seemed to have rebuilt his defenses enough to keep his expression from giving away any hint of what he might be thinking or feeling.

After a slightly rocky start, they had quickly fallen back in the normal routine followed during family get-togethers, and the rest of that day passed without any major incidents. Sealand had gotten home a little before dinner, having spent the day with friends, and was excited to see that they had company.

Although everything seemed normal on the surface, there were signs there that the situation was not what it seemed. Norway barely ate anything at dinner, and seemed even more remote than usual. He also stayed downstairs after all the other members of the family had gone up to their rooms.

Over the next few days, they continued to follow a somewhat normal routine. Although the days all passed without major incident, the rest of the family was discouraged by the fact that there had been no signs of improvement in Norway's condition. He continued to eat a very small amount at every meal. A couple of times, they had made sure to fix foods that they knew he liked, but that caused only a very small difference in the amount he would eat.

After a couple of days, they also began to suspect that Norway was spending the nights downstairs in the living room. As far as they knew, he had not been upstairs at all. However, they were so cautious about ensuring that they didn't make him uncomfortable or force him into anything, that none of them pressed the issue. They just assumed that he would go upstairs when he was ready.

None of them were really sure if it was a good idea for him to attend the world meeting at the beginning of June, especially considering what had happened in January. Of course, Norway had been to three meetings since then and had not suffered any major setbacks. If anything, the events that had happened in April may have actually helped him a little. And, none of them really wanted to tell him that he shouldn't go. However, they did resolve that they would watch him closely, in an attempt to avoid a repeat of anything like January's incident.

May 31st was spent traveling to the meeting and checking into the motel. This was the first time that all five of them had arrived at a meeting together since January, and they knew that some of the nations that were hanging around the lobby probably noted that fact. Most of the family was aware that there was gossip going around about them, but they were doing their best to make sure that Norway remained unaware of some of the rumors about him. It wouldn't help his recovery to hear the theories that other nations had for why he was in that condition.

Despite his family's attempts to shield him, Norway was aware of the looks that other nations gave him and knew he was a subject of gossip. His awareness of that made him anxious to escape to his room. However, he was determined to appear as normal as possible.

Once they were all checked in, they were able to go up to their rooms, which were all near each other. Unlike the lobby downstairs, the hall was empty except for them.

After they had all gone into their separate rooms, Norway had a little time alone in his room before the others would come to collect him for dinner, and decided to use that time to steel himself to go down to the lobby again.

Norway was also having to constantly try to ignore how tired he was. He had not gotten a good night's sleep since a couple of nights before his birthday. He had needed to keep his guard up after that nightmare, and since he had been with his family, he had not wanted to let one of his nightmares disturb them. He did not want to be a burden to them any more than he already had. As much as the nightmares themselves bothered him, the thought that his family might really get tired of trying to help him was worse.

He wasn't ready to have to go back down to the lobby when there was a knock on his door. He got up and went to answer the door, and was unsurprised to find them all waiting for him.

"Are you ready to go out to dinner?"

"Yes." He wasn't really, but he knew his family would not let him skip a meal, especially since none of them had really eaten much for lunch that day since they had been traveling.

The downstairs lobby had gotten less crowded while they had been in their rooms. Other groups had already left to get food, and the ones that were left weren't paying much attention to them.

Norway still hesitated just outside the lobby, not wanting to be looked at by so many others. Even if there were less people in the lobby than there had been earlier, it was still more than he felt like he could handle.

The rest of the family had noticed Norway's hesitation, but none of them were sure what to do to make it easier for him. They didn't want to force him to walk through the lobby if it made him uncomfortable, but they couldn't let him skip dinner either. He wasn't eating enough as it was, so skipping any meals was out of the question.

After a few moments, Denmark put his arm around Norway's shoulders, pulling the smaller man against his side.

Norway immediately tensed at the unexpected touch, and then relaxed momentarily after he realized that he wasn't in any danger. However, then he realized that he shouldn't act like he liked the touch. "Let go of me."

"As soon as we're outside."

He would never admit it later, but that did make it easier for Norway to go the rest of the way into and through the lobby. Being held that way made him feel shielded from the looks of everyone in the lobby. And, if he didn't want to be held like that, well, that also gave him an incentive to go through the lobby. Norway was careful to keep his usual expression on his face, and give away no sign that he found any comfort in the contact.

Denmark actually kept his word, and let Norway go once they were outside. As soon as he was released, Norway moved a few steps away, not wanting to be grabbed without warning again—just because it had helped him get through the lobby did not mean it had been enjoyable or anything.

"Th't w's too m'ch of a r'sk. 'f Norge reacted badly t' being touch'd, y' c'ld've made th'ngs worse."

"It worked though."

Norway tensed a little when he thought that Denmark and Sweden were about to start arguing again. He had too much experience at being the object of one of their fights. Thankfully, though that brief exchange did not turn into an argument as they all continued with the business of finding a place to eat.

Once again, Norway ate only a small portion of his meal. He spent more of the mealtime moving the food around on his plate than he did actually eating. That fact had not escaped the notice of the rest of the family, but none of them were successful in persuading him to eat more.

When questioned, Norway had admitted to being a little tired, so after dinner they had taken him back to the hotel so he could rest. However, once he was alone in his room, he found himself unable to relax.

The exhaustion had he had felt earlier had not left him but fear of what—or rather, who—might be waiting for him if he fell asleep kept him from doing so. Eventually, though, he did manage to get a little sleep, but when morning came, he woke up feeling just as tired as he had felt the night before.

This morning, his family did not come to his room to get him. Instead, they had all agreed to meet downstairs, where an informal breakfast was being served before the meeting would start. Although, they had offered to come to his room to get him, Norway felt the need to prove that he was capable of going down to the lobby on his own.

A look in the mirror as he was getting ready to go downstairs made it clear to Norway just how hard he would have to work in order to convince the rest of the world that there was nothing wrong with him. He was paler than usual, making the dark shadows under his eyes that much more noticeable. The shadows were almost as prominent as they had been in January. He did not really notice how thin he was, but it was clearly noticeable to anyone else.

Once he was ready, he went downstairs to an area off of the lobby, where several nations had already gathered. Food had been set out on some tables along one of the walls.

Norway ignored the food, although he did get a cup of coffee. He wasn't really supposed to have coffee until he had recovered a little more, but none of his family wanted to enforce that. This morning he was extra glad that they weren't enforcing that since he didn't think he could get through the meeting otherwise.

The other Nordics noticed that he wasn't eating, but chose not to say anything to him in public. What none of them realized that was other nations had also noticed.

The meeting itself was no different than usual, but Norway wouldn't remember much about the morning later. His exhaustion had reached the point where there seemed to be a veil between him and everything around him. As the meeting wore on, his struggle to stay awake became increasingly difficult.

Somehow, though, he did manage to get through the morning, and eventually it was time for the lunch break. Unlike the previous month, there was no question as to whether or not he was going to lunch with his family. They did wait until everyone else had left the room before leaving themselves, though.

When Norway first stood up a wave of light-headedness came over him, and he had to grab the back of his chair to keep from falling.

"Nor!" Denmark grabbed onto Norway's arm in an attempt to steady him, apparently forgetting the effect that had had back in January. "Are you alright?"

The light-headedness had already passed, and Norway was just grateful that no one other than his family had been there to see it. Ordinarily, he wouldn't have been much happier about their having seeing it either, but they had seen much worse signs of weakness from him in the past several months. After all, they had been the ones to save him being— Norway shook his head, to stop himself from finishing that thought. "I'm fine. I just go up too quickly." He shook himself free of Denmark's hold. "And don't grab me like that again. I don't need your help right now."

Denmark reached for Norway again, but this time Norway was able to stay out of reach. None of the others had intervened so far, but they were all watching Norway closely ready to intervene if he stumbled again. After all, that was one of the things the doctor had told them to watch out for.

"Norja, have you eaten anything today?" Finland asked, after a few moments.

At first, Norway considered saying that he had eaten before coming downstairs for the meeting, even though that was a lie. Then he realized that his family would probably be able to see through the lie. "No," he admitted.

"That's probably all that's wrong then. But if it happens again, we are taking you to a doctor. We're not going to take any chances with your life."

The afternoon went much the way the morning had. The other Nordics had wanted Norway to go upstairs and rest, as they were afraid that he might be developing some complications from his current condition. However, he had refused to miss any part of the meeting. All afternoon, they kept a close eye on him and they noticed that although he looked tired, he showed no more signs of any dangerous symptoms. By this time, though, they all knew that they would have to find a way to actually help him soon. Before it was too late.

With that objective in mind, when the meeting was over, they found a place where they could talk without being observed by the other nations. As far as they knew, Norway had gone to his room to rest, and they had told him to call if he needed them for any reason. They had offered to have at least one of them stay with him, but he had insisted that he wanted to be alone, so they couldn't do much except hope that he might actually rest. In a little over an hour they were going to be going to get him in order to go to dinner anyway, though, so they hoped he should be alright on his own for that long.

"He's getting worse again, isn't he?"

"I'm not sure. I think part of happened today is because he's tired. He seems to be afraid to go upstairs at home." Telling about that made Finland feel like he was betraying Norway's confidence, but Norway had not actually admitted to being afraid or asked that it be kept a secret. "I thought he'd been sleeping downstairs, but I'm starting to wonder if he's afraid to sleep. After all, he was having nightmares before."

"But you do think he's alright? He's not going to get sick again?"

"If he doesn't start eating more he probably will get sick, but I don't think he is in any immediate danger. He needs to get some more rest, too. I think we need to be more active about making sure that he actually eats. We made a mistake letting him skip breakfast this morning. And I'm going to try to get him to talk about it some more."

After that, their little meeting was basically over, and there was still some time left until dinner.

"Islanti, can you stay for a minute?" Finland asked.

Iceland stopped just inside the door and waited as Denmark and Sweden left. "What?"

"Are you and Norja talking to each other at all?"

"Not really. I don't want to upset him."

"Are you handling all of this okay?"

"Yes."

"We should have asked you that before, but we'll all been so focused on making sure Norja was alright that we forgot that the revelation affected you as well. I just wanted to make sure you were able to handle it."

"I wanted to know." Iceland intentionally left off any mention of the argument that he had had with Norway because of his desire to know about his heritage.

Finland decided it was probably a good idea to change the subject, since there was one more thing he wanted to talk to Iceland about. "Do you want to do anything special for your birthday later this month? It's only a few weeks away, so we should probably start planning."

"I don't want to have any kind of family celebration this year."

That statement went a good ways towards confirming the suspicion Finland had that Iceland was not dealing with the recent revelation as well as he wanted to pretend. He had also noticed that Iceland seemed to have been avoiding Norway for the past several months. "Are you sure that's what you want?"

"We're supposed to be helping Noregur. I don't want to cause him to be reminded of—"

"It might hurt him more if you do this. Why don't you take a few days to think about it, before you make that decision?" And in the meantime, Finland intended to try to talk to Norway about this. Something needed to be done to get Norway and Iceland to actually talk to each other, before whatever it was that was going unsaid between them made a bad situation worse than it already was.

It wasn't until the next evening that Finland got a chance to attempt to talk to Norway. They had all just gotten back to the house, and once again Norway had refused to go upstairs. The only difference was that this time he was able to go into the house without needed to be prompted.

"I'm g'ng t' pick 'p Sealand," Sweden said, after they had been in the house for a few moments. They always left Sealand with a sitter during meetings, unless they were going to be gone longer than a few days. That arrangement had been made as a concession to some of the nations that objected to Sealand's trying to attend the meetings.

Shortly after Sweden left, Denmark and Iceland also left to take care of some things at their own homes. This had all been arranged earlier, as Finland hoped that it might be easier to get Norway to talk without the risk of the rest of the family overhearing.

Norway was in his usual spot in the living room, and appeared to be lost in thought. For a few moments, Finland just stood and studied the other man. He was still surprised by how fragile Norway looked sometimes. Between the amount of weight he had lost, the paleness of his skin, and the dark shadows under his eyes, Norway looked like someone who had been ill for a long time—which, considering how many months had passed was closer to the truth than the rest of the family really liked to admit.

"Norja?" Finland asked, not wanting to approach any closer until he was sure that Norway was aware of his presence.

Norway turned to look in his direction, but did not actually say anything.

Once he was sure that Norway knew he was there, Finland crossed the remaining distance to the couch, and sat down beside Norway. He was still careful to keep a little distance between them, at least. "How are you feeling, Norja?"

"I'm alright," Norway answered, after a few moments of silence. "Where is everyone else?" He seemed to have just realized that they were alone.

"Sve want to pick up Sealand, and they'll probably stop somewhere on the way home. They'll be back a little while before dinnertime. Tanska and Islanti had some things that they needed to take care of in their homes after the meeting. They'll be back sometime tomorrow."

"Won't it look strange if I'm still here?" It was rare for any kind of family gathering to not include the entire family, after all.

"We told Sealand that you've been sick, and will be staying with us until you're feeling better." Finland hoped that was what Norway had meant by that question. After all, it was unlikely that anyone outside the family would notice, although if any did it would be one more thing to add to the gossip that was going around.

"Last summer . . . did he see anything?"

It took a few moments for Finland to realize what Norway was asking about. His first instinct was to lie, so that Norway wouldn't feel guilty about something that really wasn't his fault. However, he realized that if he did so, the truth would probably still come out eventually. "He saw as much as the rest of us did. If I had thought about it at the time, I would have had Islanti take him back to the kitchen, so neither of them would have witnessed that. That morning, though, none of us were thinking about anything except protecting you."

"I'm sorry. I thought I remembered him being there, but sometimes I'm not sure how much I really remember from that morning."

"Nothing happened that you need to apologize for." This wasn't what he would have expected when he had initiated the conversation, but at least he had gotten Norway to start talking about something.

"I never wanted any of you to see that—to know about what happened." Then something seemed to occur to him. "Does anyone else know?"

"I think only the family knows."

"Everyone else is talking about it though, aren't they? I've seen the way they look, like they're just waiting for me to slip in front of them again."

"Norja, that's not the reason for the looks." Finland knew that was a least partially a lie. There probably were some nations that after what had happened in January were just waiting for Norway to show any signs of weakness again. However, many of those nations might have been doing that anyway. "Most of them are concerned about you. We got a lot of questions at February's meeting about whether you were alright. There has been some gossip, but we've been trying to deal with it." Finland hoped that would be the end of the matter, as he didn't want to have to tell Norway what some of the rumors going around where.

"What are they saying?" Norway tightened his grip on the couch pillow he was holding and seemed to be trying to prepare himself for an answer.

At first, Finland considered not answering the question. It was not really necessary for Norway to know what rumors were going around, and it might even be harmful. However, there was the risk that someone outside their family might say something to Norway, so maybe it was best if he found out now what was being said. "None of them have come close to guessing the truth, at least not from what they've said. The most common rumor seems to be that you were being held prisoner by someone during all those months that you weren't at the meetings. There are also some who suspect that you have developed some kind of eating disorder because of how much weight you've lost, although there might be some truth to that one. Not all of the rumors are just about you though. There's been some speculation about what's been going on with the whole family, because none of us were speaking to each other in February."

"It's not an eating disorder, and I have it under control." Norway was looking away from Finland, so it was hard to tell if he was actually telling the truth.

"Norja, have you actually not noticed what you're doing to yourself? You're going to end up in the same condition you were in a few months ago if you don't start eating more. And when was the last time you slept?"

Silence was the only reply given to that question.

"Are you still having nightmares?"

"Sometimes." For a couple of moments, it seemed as though Norway wanted to say something else, but whatever it was went unsaid.

Finland waited until he was sure that Norway wasn't going to say anything else before asking, "You know that you're safe here, right? None of us will let anyone hurt you if we can prevent it."

Something about the final statement was enough to make Norway start talking. "They never stopped him. I used to hope they would notice and do something, but they never cared enough. All they ever did was accuse me of being his favorite. They probably think the same thing he does, since they're old enough to remember."

"Remember what?" That was the only part of what Norway had said that Finland wasn't sure of the meaning of. He suspected that "they" probably referred to Denmark and Sweden, but he wasn't sure what the rest meant.

"Our mother. They know that it was my fault she died."

Even though it had only been stated in the letter, Finland was aware of the fact that Norway blamed himself for his mother's death, as she had apparently died when he was born. He also suspected, based on their conversation in April, that Scandia was probably the source of most that blame. "It wasn't your fault."

"Father never let me forget." Norway's voice was barely loud enough to be heard, and he was still looking in the other direction, the couch pillow clutched tightly in his arms. "Even after all this time—he still finds a way to remind me every year. I can't deal with what he says again, but there's no way to get him to stop. I never know when he's going to come, and it's been happening more often since last summer. As long as I don't sleep, though, he can't come."

Finland wasn't sure how to reply to that. He could tell that Norway's fear was real, but he had trouble believing that Scandia was really still able to find a way to harm Norway. After all, the ancient nations were supposed to be gone, weren't they? They weren't supposed to have any interaction with the modern world except for occasional visits. He also remembered back in January, the first time they had taken Norway to a hospital, and the doctor there had specifically told them not to encourage Norway's fear of sleeping, because there was no reason for it. "Norja, you know that your father is gone. He can't hurt you anymore." That was the only reply he could think of—to try to reassure Norway that he was safe now.

"You think I'm crazy, too, don't you?"

"No. I think you have a good reason for being frightened, and that's why you're having nightmares. I don't see how your father can actually reach you when he is not anywhere near here."

Norway turned his gaze away from the far wall to actually look at Finland, before releasing his grip on the couch pillow, and pulling back his sleeve to uncover the scar on his left wrist. "He's the one that did this. He wanted it to look like what everyone thought it was, but I didn't try to kill myself."

As disturbing as it was to believe that Scandia apparently still had the power to physically harm Norway, and had actually done so at least once, it was still a relief to learn that Norway had not attempted suicide. That reason along made the seemingly impossible revelation easier to believe. The revelation also made it clear why Norway seemed to be afraid to sleep, but it did raise the question of how Norway could ever be safe enough to recover, if Scandia could get to him that easily.

"Is there anything we can do to make sure you're safe from him?" After the events of the past year, Finland had no intention of losing Norway to something they had no way of fighting, and he was sure the rest of the family would feel the same when they learned this new piece of information.

Norway rolled his sleeve back down to cover the scar. He was always careful to keep it covered as much as possible. "There's no way to stop him, and I'm afraid that if I do find a way then he'll go after Island. I can't remember anything before being with father, so I know what to expect at least and I can handle it. But I won't let Island go through any of that."

"And the rest of can't stand by and watch you be hurt. But refusing to sleep isn't a good solution. You'll just end up getting sick again."

"I'm scared to sleep," Norway admitted. "I don't want to deal with him for a while." He was silent for a few moments before adding, "Don't say anything to the others, please. I don't want them to think that . . ." He was unable to say exactly what he didn't want them to think.

"If I think that your life is in danger again, I will tell them." Finland didn't think it was a good idea to keep this a secret from the rest of the family, but he didn't want to lose Norway's trust either. He knew from previous conversations how determined Norway was to not be seen as weak, and he also suspected that this might be the information that had led to the government official believing that Norway was irrational. He studied Norway closely again, taking note of the dark shadows under his eyes, a sign that the lack of sleep was already beginning to have a physical effect. "And you have to try to get some rest."

"I can't," Norway whispered, his voice still almost inaudible.

"You don't have to go upstairs; you can just rest here on the couch. Just for a couple of hours until dinner and I'll stay here in the room with you and wake you up if it looks like you're having a nightmare."

The silence that followed lasted long enough to give the impression that Norway was going to refuse, but at last he nodded. "I'll try." He still seemed somewhat apprehensive, though.

Finland got up and went to get a spare blanket. Then, when he returned to the living room, he used the blanket and the couch pillows to make the couch into a makeshift bed for Norway. Then, he took some paperwork he needed to look over and went to one of the other chairs in the room.

A few moments later, Norway's exhaustion caught up with him, and he fell into an apparently peaceful sleep. Finland hoped that Norway's sleep would remain peaceful, and that a few hours of rest would lead to at least some improvement. There were still some things he had wanted to talk to Norway about, including the situation that seemed to be developing with Iceland. However, those things would have to wait until Norway's physical condition was a little more stable.

Author's notes: I just want to make sure my readers are aware that the next update might be delayed a little bit. I am going to be doing Nanowrimo next month, so my novel will have to take priority for the month. I will try to work on this story after reaching my daily wordcount goals, but I cannot promise there will be an update in November. I will try my best to get the next chapter out within a reasonable timeframe, though. I try to update my profile as I get some idea of when the next chapter will be out, so if you're wondering about when the next update will be, you can always check there.

I would like to thank my most recent reviewers. I do appreciate getting reviews even if I do not actually reply to them. However, as the last chapter was mainly just setting the stage for this chapter, I can understand that it wasn't much to review. I hope the people that have been following this story are still enjoying it at least.

And I promise that the conversation I hinted at last chapter is coming—they're just being stubborn about talking to each other.