Long Road Ch9
Jun. 16th, 2011 10:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lothinielflowermaiden
Chapter Nine
"You realize that technically, we don't have to even let you go to the meetings. I think everyone knows nothing gets accomplished at them."
Norway looked out the window, pretending that he hadn't heard what Birger had said. It was pretty easy to tune it out when he had been hearing pretty much the same thing since leaving the hospital. He didn't really think Birger would carry through on the threat to not let him attend the World Meetings anymore. But, he couldn't be sure. After all, in order to attend March's world meeting, he'd had to agree to stay with someone from his embassy, and to spend the lunch break with that person.
Norway had been staying with Birger since being discharged from the hospital. And from the beginning, Birger had been overcautious about his safety. He was not allowed to leave the house alone. The only time he was allowed to be alone at all was at night, and then he was not allowed to leave the bedroom he had been given until morning. In mid-February, when he had gone back to work, he had been allowed to be alone in his office, but he was checked on frequently.
"Are you even listening to me, Haldor?" Birger asked.
"I need to attend the World Meetings," was the only reply he gave. Well, it proved he had listened at least.
"You were spending too much time with them," Birger said. "And, until you tell me which one of them hurt you, I can't allow you to be around them."
Norway was still pretending not to hear Birger. He kept his attention focused on the window, pretending to be absorbed by something happening outside. He was getting tired of repeatedly being told that same thing. And, as much as he hated to admit it, even to himself, there were times when he missed his family. He had kind of wanted them to leave at one point, and had made some attempts to drive them away. And those must have worked, because they had left. They had left without saying goodbye, and then hadn't even tried to contact him for over a month. And then, at the meeting, they had acted like everything was normal.
Birger was still apparently not aware that he was basically being tuned out. "This is for your own good, Haldor. The condition that your 'family' allowed you to end up in - even if they didn't cause it . . . Well, you must see that we can't take the risk of that happening again. You're too important to us, and we won't take any chances with your safety.
There were a few things Norway might have liked to say to that, but he found he didn't really have the energy to care anymore. As much as he disliked the over-protectiveness that his government was displaying, there was nothing he could do about it, anyway. That was one of the downsides to the nation's lives. Their governments had the right to control who they could have contact with, as well as various other aspects of their lives. And so, Norway was to stay with Birger until it was determined that he was no longer a danger to himself, and he was only allowed to go to the meetings if someone could watch him at all times the meeting wasn't actually in session.
Once again, Norway found himself in complete darkness with the sense that something was out there in that darkness. He had been here so many times now that he knew from painful experience that it was only a matter of time until Scandia would appear. But, still he hoped that just this once it would not happen that way.
He had almost let himself relax, and think that maybe it would be alright this time, when he heard footsteps, and then felt a hand on his shoulder. He knew that Scandia had come, just as he always did.
"So, your brothers finally got tired of dealing with you," Scandia said. "It is only a matter of time before your people come to the same conclusion. In the end, you will have no one, except for me. Of course, you could always just come with me now."
"No." It may not have been stated outright, but Norway knew what Scandia was really suggesting. Just because the ancient powers still had some connection to the world, the place where all of them were the rest of the time was basically the equivalent of death for their kind.
"They think it's what you want," Scandia pointed out. "They all think you tried to kill yourself." He reached out and caressed his son's cheek. "You should just give in. And then they would not be able to separate us."
"I'll tell them the truth," Norway said. His previous attempts to do so had been ignored, but he did not see another way to end this. Doing what Scandia wanted him to was not an option.
"They will never believe it. They'll just have more reason to think you're crazy." Scandia stepped back, and for a few moments was silent.
The darkness was beginning to lift, but there was still nothing to actually be seen, nothing that could indicate where they were. It was just the two of them, in a large, empty, non-descript area. After the few moments of silence, Scandia reached down and grabbed Norway's left arm, pulling him to his feet. Then, he slowly ran his hand down Norway's arm, until he was holding his injured wrist.
"Do you honestly think they will believe you, after this?" Scandia asked, brushing his thumb across the scar left by the cut. "In the end, you will have no choice left." His grip tightened, becoming painful. "After all, I cannot risk letting you tell anyone. If only you hadn't been such a little freak . . . Then there never would have been any risk of anyone finding out."
Norway tried to break free of Scandia's grip, but he had no sooner begun to struggle, then he found himself unable to move at all. He could not even speak.
"You are powerless against me here," Scandia said. "You should realize that by now. There is no use resisting." Scandia did not release his grip, instead, if anything, it became even tighter, and with his other hand, he gripped Norway's shoulder. "I think you need a reminder of my power here." Scandia's grip grew tighter and tighter, as the darkness began to return.
Norway opened his eyes to find that he was still unable to move. Just like before it was almost completely dark, but this time he was lying on a bed, and he could still feel something pressing him down against the mattress. But he could not see anyone there. He tried to open his mouth to call for help, but he could not move even that much. The force pressing him down grew stronger and stronger, until he felt like he couldn't breathe.
It seemed like hours passed, as he lay there, unable to move. Then, suddenly, movement began to return. He lay there, gasping for breath, and afraid that paralysis might return. After several moments, he gathered enough energy to reach over and turned on the lamp beside the bed.
Light flooded the room, and once his eyes adjusted, he was able to see that he was alone. He was in his bed in the guest room of Birger's apartment . . . the same room that he had been staying in since leaving the hospital. There were very few personal things in the room, as he had not had been allowed to go to his own house to get anything. His stuffed bunny lay on the floor beside the bed, having been knocked off the bed at some point during the nightmare. There were a few books piled on the floor beside the room's only chair, which had been placed near the window.
He rolled over and reached down to pick up the bunny from where it had fallen, before laying back down with it clutched to his chest. He still felt uneasy, even though he kept telling himself it was just a dream. Scandia hadn't really been there, and there was clearly no one else in the room right now. And this nightmare hadn't even been as bad as some. At least this time, all Scandia had wanted to do was talk. But still, he did not turn the light back off.
After so long, he had enough experience with these dreams to know that he would probably not be able to go back to sleep, so once he felt a little less frightened, he decided to just get up. Getting out of bed, he went to sit in the chair, and focused on trying to force back the fear and get back to his previous state of feeling nothing.
By the term Birger came to check on him in the morning, Norway had been awake for several hours. He was still sitting in the chair by the window, although at some point he had changed out of his nightclothes. He had an open book in front of him, but did not appear to be looking at it, and everything in the room that could be used a source of light had been turned on.
"You're up early," Birger said. "Did you sleep at all?"
"Yes," Norway answered. "I just woke up early."
"Just make sure that you tell someone if you have trouble sleeping, Haldor. You might need to start taking the pills again, or have the dosage adjusted."
"I said that I just woke up too early. I don't need to start taking those again." Norway had been given a prescription for sleeping pills before being released from the hospital, but he stopped taking them as soon as he was allowed. The pills kept him from being able to wake up when Scandia came.
"Just remember what the doctors said, Haldor. You need to make sure that you rest and eat enough. You're still underweight. We're just lucky that your family brought you to the hospital when they did. If they had waited much longer, we could have lost you."
Norway did not give any sign that he was listening to Birger. Instead, he looked down at his book. Birger was saying something about how irresponsible the rest of the Nordics had been to delay getting him professional help, when Norway interrupted, "I want to see them."
"Them? Oh, your family. Haldor, you should know we can't allow that. We can't risk anything happening to you, and some of us aren't convinced that they didn't hurt you. They could have had some kind of ulterior motive, like trying to weaken you to force you into a union. And anyway, if they really cared about you, they would have contacted you, instead of just abandoning you at the hospital."
Norway didn't really have a response to that. He couldn't deny that his family seemed to have abandoned him at the hospital, and that they hadn't contacted him afterwards. And yet, at the world meeting, they had acted as if everything was normal. Norway wanted to believe that his family did care about him, and they didn't have an ulterior motive, but at the same time, he couldn't deny what it looked like.
Birger took Norway's silence as assent. "You know I'm right, Haldor. Now, come on; it's time for breakfast, and we'll both get in trouble if you skip any meals."
It wasn't until he was at work later that Norway was allowed to be alone again. That was the only place he was allowed to be alone, because Birger had decided it would be difficult for any harm to come to him in the government building.
Norway had only been back at work for a few weeks, and some of that time had been taken up by the meeting. He was still trying to get through seven months worth of paperwork.
That day, he was only at work for the morning, as he had some doctors appointments that afternoon. He was hoping to convince Birger to let him go to the appointments alone, but he knew that chances of that were slim.
Norway was finally starting to make a dent in the paperwork, but that particular day he was finding it hard to concentrate. Ever since he had woken up from that nightmare, cracks had started appearing in the wall that had kept all of his emotions at bay. Outwardly, he gave no sign of this, but inwardly, he could not stop thinking about the way his family had apparently abandoned him. In his mind, Norway kept hearing the words Scandia had said in the dream. So your brothers finally got tired of dealing with you.
Was what Scandia had said true? Had his family really gotten tired of dealing with him? But if that was the case, why had they acted like everything was normal at the meeting. Surely if they had intended to abandon him, they wouldn't have insisted that he have lunch with them. But what if they had only been insisting so the other countries wouldn't suspect what was going on? After all, none of them seemed to have been speaking to each other much, either. So, why were they still going out to lunch like usual?
Norway suspected that something major must have happened during those few minutes he couldn't remember back in the hospital, but he still had no idea what. And he hadn't wanted to ask, because he didn't want to admit that there was a gap in his memory. That might just give Birger more reason to keep him under constant guard. And he couldn't ask his family when he wasn't even allowed to talk to them. But then, if they had wanted to talk to him, they could have at least tried to contact him.
All these thoughts going around in his head made it impossible for Norway to concentrate on the papers in front of him.
The feeling of uneasiness also began to return, but he was able to keep forcing it back. At the moment, he was in one of the safest places he could be, after all. No one in that building would let any harm come to him.
A few hours later, when it was time to leave for the appointments, he had gotten through some of the paperwork, although nowhere near as much as he actually needed to.
At first it seemed as if this appointment would go the same way that all the previous ones had. And there had been many previous ones. Starting very soon after he had been released from the hospital, Norway had been required to attend frequent doctor visits. He was still having physical therapy on his injured wrist, although he had finally been allowed to remove the splint the earlier that week. In addition to the physical therapy, he was asked questions about whether he was eating and sleeping enough, and given a basic examination. There had also been some attempts at counseling, but Norway had made it clear from the start that he wasn't going to talk about what had happened.
It wasn't until after the usual stuff was out of the way that something different happened.
"Haldor, there's something I need to talk to you about," the doctor told him. "I've been meaning to ask about this for a while now, actually. Have you heard from your family since they left?"
Norway wasn't sure why the doctor had felt the need to ask him about that, unless this was going to turn into another conversation about how his family had abandoned him and he should distance himself from them. But at the same time, he couldn't lie about it. "I saw them at a meeting, but that was it. They're probably busy, though."
It seemed as if the doctor was about to say something, when there a knock on the door to the office. The doctor stopped whatever he had been about to say and went to open the door, to find that Birger had gotten apparently gotten tired of waiting and come to find out what was taking longer than usual.
"Haldor, if you're done here, we should probably get you back to my apartment now. You've been looking a little tired today, and it would probably be good if you got some rest."
Norway suspected that the doctor had been about to tell him something about his family, but he had no idea what. However, Birger's presence in the room kept him from being able to ask, so he was left to wonder about it. Instead, he left with Birger, and returned to the apartment, where Birger made him go to his room and rest until dinner time.
By the time he was called to come out and eat dinner, Norway had managed to once again push his emotions fully behind the wall he had built to contain them.
And so, the month of March wore on, much the same way that day had. By the end of that week, Norway had finally made a noticeable dent in the paperwork he had to catch up on. Although he continued to have nightmares about Scandia, he was always able to push everything back behind the wall by end of each day and go on feeling nothing.
During the hours that his defenses were lowered, he did think about his family and wonder if there was something he didn't know about why they had left. Sometimes he let himself hope that was the case, but in the end it always came back to the fact that everyone was telling him that his family had abandoned him.
As time passed the day for April's world meeting drew closer and closer, and Birger had yet to say anything about whether or not Norway would be allowed to go. Unlike the last meeting, this one was not being held somewhere that he had an embassy. That meant that he would have to stay in the hotel where the rest of the nations stayed. And Birger didn't seem to think that was a good idea. Every time the subject of the meeting came up, Birger said that it seemed a good idea if Norway skipped April's meeting. And since he had missed so many lately, what was one more?
Every month the meeting was hosted by a different country. In theory all countries were supposed to take turns hosting the meetings. In reality, there was a core group that hosted most of them. Most of the meetings were held in the capital city of the host country, but there were exceptions. And this month, happened to be one of the months for exceptions, as it was America's turn to host the meeting, and he tended to try to have each meeting he hosted by held in a different state than the previous one had been.
It wouldn't have been a gig deal if the meeting was going to be held in Washington DC, New York City, Houston, San Francisco, or Minneapolis. But since it wasn't being held in one of those cities, Birger didn't think that Norway should attend the meeting, and he refused to back down from that opinion.
As the deadline drew closer, it began to look certain that Norway wouldn't be allowed to attend April's world meeting.
And so things might have stood, if it hadn't been for a conference between the three people most involved in Norway's care. After the first discussion at the hospital, Birger had continued to meet with both Rosemarie, and with the doctor that was in charge of Norway's treatment. And at this conference, the other two finally decided to protest the stand that Birger had taken.
"Physically, there is no reason why Haldor can't go to the meeting. He has made a remarkable recovery, considering the state he was in two months ago. But I'm still a little worried about his continued recovery." The doctor had been trying to make this point for a few weeks now, but Birger had refused to listen.
"Which is why he shouldn't be allowed to go," Birger said. "As you pointed out, he is still recovering. The meeting might be too much for him, and no one will be keeping an eye on him."
"Did you ever think that watching over him all the time might not be good for him?" Rosemarie asked. "I'm concerned about the emotional state he's in. The best case scenario is that he's forcibly suppressing his emotions. If he's doing so unintentionally, the situation could be worse."
"But that's normal for Haldor," Birger said. "He never shows emotion, anyway, I don't think it's anything to worry about."
"I disagree. This state that Haldor is in could have serious consequences if he is not brought out of it carefully. But he won't let us help him, and I'm worried about what might happen to him if he remains in this state much longer. I think you should let him go to the meeting, and I think you should let him see his family. They know him better than we do, and I think he needs to be around someone who will treat him like a person. I think we've all been too concerned with what he is, that we've lost sight of the fact that he is also a person who is suffering and needs help."
"But we don't know if one of them hurt him," Birger said. It kept coming back to that one point. Norway had obviously been hurt by someone, and it just made sense to suspect his family.
The doctor had been letting Rosemarie make the case, as she was the one who really had the strongest argument in favor of letting Norway attend the meeting. Now, though, he chimed back into the discussion. "You did a good job of looking after Haldor when he needed to be watched, but as I have pointed out several times, he has recovered enough to no longer need the constant supervision. And I really don't think his family had anything to do with what happened to him. He is clearly important to them, and they might be the ones who are most qualified to help him."
Several moments passed before Birger replied. He seemed to be thinking over what the others had said. At last, he said, "If you really think he is strong enough, he can attend the meeting. But if his condition worsens because of that . . ." He left the rest of that sentence unsaid, but the others could infer what he meant.
Birger waited until later that evening to speak to Norway about the meeting. During the intervening hours, he kept his usual close watch to make sure nothing went wrong. It wasn't until after dinner that he brought up the subject of the meeting.
"Haldor, I've been thinking some more about whether or not you should be allowed to attend the meeting next month, and after consulting with some others, I've decided that you can go. I still have some doubts about whether this is a good idea, and I want you to be careful not to overdo it, or anything. You're still recovering, after all."
By this point, Norway had pretty much given up on the idea of being able to go to the meeting. After several weeks of discussion, there had been no indication that Birger would change his mind about the meeting. But, even now that he had been told he could go, he did not feel relieved, even though it would finally be a chance to get away from having someone watching him all the time. Instead, he wasn't sure what he felt, especially since everything had once again been pushed back behind the wall.
Author's note: I'm not quite satisfied with the way I ended this chapter. It feels like it just kind of trails off, but I couldn't think of a better ending. The next chapter will be about April's world meeting, but it probably won't be out for a few weeks. I don't have as much time for writing during the summer as I do the rest of the year, and I'm also rethinking whether this story is worth continuing. I have a clear idea where I want the story to go, and I'm still hoping to continue it, but it might take a little while before I feel I can work on it again. Someone took a passage from this story and used it out of context in a way that made me feel uncomfortable about the fact that I'm writing this story at all. So, I need to get over that before I can continue. I do hope to have the next chapter out by sometime in July at the latest, though.
Also, this is probably the last chapter that the human characters will have a major role in. They may appear later in the story again, but I don't have any plans for that. Oh, and for the record, the things that Birger is doing were not all officially sanctioned. He was assigned to do whatever was necessary to make sure that Norway was safe, and he took that assignment a little too far.
And, I never did figure out where March's meeting was actually held, because it wasn't a major plot point. All I know for sure is that it was held in some city where Norway has an embassy, and that it wasn't in one of the other Nordic countries. Beyond those two points, where that meeting was held really has no bearing on the plot.
