Long Road Ch10

[lothinielflowermaiden]

Warnings: Refer to the earlier chapters for more specific warnings, but this chapter does have one part that might be indicative of eating disorder symptoms. And one other thought that might be disturbing to some people. But I think any disturbing things in this chapter are implied, rather than stated outright.

Author's Note: I picked the location of the meeting pretty much just for the name of the street that hotel is on. I was going through cities that I have some familiarity with, and when I discovered just how many hotels with conference centers are located on International Drive in Orlando, I knew I had to set the meeting there, just for the street name.

 

Chapter Ten

Getting to the meeting was one of the most difficult things Norway had done in a while. Most nations used public transportation to travel to the meetings, since it was considered impolite to enter another country through the shortcut without permission. Leaving his own country hadn't been that bad, but then he'd had to change planes in New York, and the crowd in the airport had been a little more than he was ready to deal with. And it was it was the first crowd of that size he had faced without being accompanied by someone from his government since the previous summer.

The second plane had been a full flight, but he at least managed to get an aisle seat, rather than being pinned in by strangers. Still, it had been almost more than he could handle in his current state. He managed to keep the wall that locked up his emotions from falling, but over the last several days, he had felt it weakening.

By the time the plane landed in Orlando, he was exhausted. He had slept a little during the flight, but never deeply enough to risk nightmares. He did not want to have one of those in front of a plane full of strangers, even if, on the longer of the two flights, at least some of those "strangers" had been his people. (Usually, he would not think of his own people as strangers, so he had been slightly surprised to feel that way.)

And even once he was finally off the plane, he still had to get to the hotel where that month's meeting was being held. He took a cab to the hotel, without even bothering to look into other options. A hotel shuttle or a bus might involve more of a crowd than he was ready to deal with at the moment. It also might mean that he would have to see some of the other nations, and at the moment, he wasn't ready to deal with that. He didn't know how much any of them knew about what had happened to him. He kept wondering if his family had told anyone.

When Norway finally got to the hotel, he went up to the desk to check in.

"You must be one of the people here for that international conference," the woman at the check in desk commented, as she entered his information into the computer. "There have been people arriving for that all day."

He didn't reply to that. Instead, he merely took back the papers he had shown her, took his room keys, and prepared to go in search of the elevator.

He had gone only a short distance from the desk, when the clerk called out to him, "Sir, I almost forgot. Some people that checked in earlier today left a message for you."

Norway's first reaction upon hearing that was a brief moment of apprehension. It had been so late by the time he got permission to attend the meeting that very few other nations knew he was coming, and considered how many meetings he had missed in that last several months, other nations were probably more likely to assume that he wouldn't be there. So he couldn't think who would have known to leave him a message. But he still went back to the desk and took the envelope the clerk handed him.

Once he saw the envelope, with his human name written on the outside, the apprehension lessened. He recognized the handwriting, and realized the note was from his family. But he wondered why they were bothering to contact him now, after two and a half months when he had heard nothing from them.

Norway took the envelope up to his room, but did not look at it right away. Instead, he focused on unpacking the things he had brought with him, in a subconscious attempt to put off looking at the note. Once that was done, he turned his attention to the note.

When he had opened the envelope and unfolded the paper inside, one part of the note caught his attention: I don't know if you're upset with us about what happened, but we're all a little worried that you haven't responded to any of our letters. We won't force you into any contact you don't want, but after everything that happened, we would at least like to know you're okay.

There was more to the note, but that was the part he kept looking at over and over. They had never sent him any notes before this one, so why did they talk like they had. Norway had lost count of the number of times Birger had pointed out the fact that his family hadn't contacted him since leaving him at the hospital.

It did not immediately occur to Norway that Birger might have lied to him. But at the same time, he couldn't figure out why his family claimed to his written to him, but he had never received any letters. He couldn't believe that they would lie to him either. But what motive could someone from his government have for lying to him? They couldn't be that determined to break his ties with his family, could they? He really couldn't believe that someone from his government would lie though, so, as much as he didn't want to think it, his family must be the ones lying.

Once again he heard Scandia's words in his mind, the same words that he heard many nights in his dreams. "They finally got tired of dealing with you. This is all you are good for, and now they know that as well. They all see you for the little freak that you are. And now that they know this is all you're good for . . ."

Norway let the letter fall to the floor, the remainder of it unread. He went to stand by the window and looked down at the street. He wasn't sure what street it was, but the hotel was, appropriately enough, on a street called International Drive.

As he watched the traffic on the street below, Norway tried to block out the words that kept repeating in his head. Gradually he began to realize that he was really alone for the first time since January. There was no one who would be coming to check on him. No one to stop him from . . . He shook his head to chase that thought away before it could finish.

It was only late afternoon, but it felt like nighttime to him because of the time difference. He became aware now of how tired he was, after having slept so lightly on the plane. He went and lay down on the bed, intending to take a short nap. After all, no one would be looking for him until at least the next day. And there was still another day before the meeting, as most of the European countries arrived two days before the meeting, in order to have a day to get used to the time difference.

---

When Norway woke up again it actually was nighttime. He hadn't meant to sleep that long, especially since his sleep had been troubled by unpleasant dreams. Although he could at least be somewhat relieved that Scandia had not been in the dream, he had still been troubled by a feeling of some threat, and the sound of crying. He knew that he would get no more sleep that night, although with the time difference it was early morning anyway.

As tempting as the prospect was, Norway knew that he could not hide in this room all day. Even though there was still another day before the meeting, someone might look for him at some point that day.

He got up from the bed, and turned on a few lights before changing out of the clothes he had slept in. Once he had changed into fresh clothes, he got out some papers he had brought with him, and took them over to desk, where he began to look through them. There was no sound in the room except for the rustling of papers, and the hum of the air-conditioning.

Eventually, though he had finished looking through the papers, not that there had really been that much to look through in the first place. He hadn't brought that much with him, just a few things that he thought might be useful for the meeting.

Putting down the last of the papers, Norway felt his attention drawn to the note his family had left for him. He was still not quite sure what to think of that note, but he did begin to realize that today, he would probably see his family again. And, unlike the previous month, he did not have any reasons not to talk to them. Well, any reasons other than the fact that he hadn't heard anything from them after they had left him at the hospital. That was a pretty big reason right there.

---

It was some time later that Norway finally forced himself to leave his hotel room and go downstairs to the lobby. It was still somewhat early in the morning, and he hoped that there wouldn't be too many people downstairs. Or rather, he hoped that no one from his family would be downstairs. He wanted to see them again, but at the same time, he didn't feel ready. He still didn't know why they claimed to have contacted him when they hadn't, for one thing.

He didn't particularly want to see any of the other nations before the meeting, either. After what had happened at January's meeting, he was sure at least some of them were talking about him. And he had not missed the way some of them had looked at him at the previous month's meeting. He did not want to be talked about and looked at that way, or seen as weak by the rest of the world.

More than anything else, Norway just wanted things to go back to normal, to be the way they had been before Scandia's visit. He missed the days when he had been able to keep his secret so deeply buried that no one suspected. He had still had the occasional nightmare, but over the long time that had passed those has lessened. Scandia's visit had brought back memories and emotions that it had taken him centuries to bury before. And he really did not want to go through a century or more of feeling the way he had the past few months.

Despite all his reasons for wanting to hide in his room until time for the meeting, it was the need to eat breakfast that forced Norway to leave his room. He could have ordered room service, but that might require opening the door to a stranger. It was better to take the risk of seeing some of the nations, where at least there would be people around.

He had actually briefly considered just skipping breakfast, but had quickly changed his mind at the thought of what his doctor would say to that idea. Or for that matter what any of the people who had been taking care of him would say about that. Most days he still had to force himself to eat, but he tried to keep that hidden as much as possible. And he had gained back some of the weight he had lost back in the fall, although he was still underweight. And he hadn't eaten anything the previous day, because he had been traveling.

So, even though he still didn't feel like eating, he forced himself to leave the room anyway, just to avoid the trouble he would get in if anyone discovered he was skipping meals again.

By the time Norway had actually managed to force himself to go downstairs, it was late enough that several others were up. When he saw that there were several other nations in the lobby, he had to force himself not to turn around and go back to the elevator and return to his room. But, he would have to face them the next day at the meeting, anyway, so he might as well get used to it.

He tried to avoid looking at any of the others in the room, but he knew that some of them were probably looking at him. He did not want to find that out for sure.

Norway had not gone very far into the lobby, and was still trying to avoid looking at any of the others in the room, when he heard someone call his name. He stopped and looked around to see that Sweden and Finland were among the nations that were in the lobby. After spotting them, he took a closer look around, but did not see the rest of the family.

While he was still looking around, Sweden and Finland came over to talk to him.

"Haldor, did you get the note we left for you?" Finland asked. He used Norway's human name, since there were a few humans around.

"Yes," Norway answered. He had gotten the note after all. He just hadn't read all of it.

A few of the other nations in the lobby were looking at them now, or at least, occasionally glancing over at them. Although it really was only a few nations that were looking at them, it was still a little more than Norway could handle at the moment. He glanced back towards the elevators, but there seemed to be too many people to get past to reach them, and he did not want to attract any more attention than he already had. But he was beginning to feel the, now very familiar, need to escape.

"Haldor, are you alright?" Finland asked, apparently having noticed Norway's discomfort.

Norway focused himself to focus his attention on them, and tried to keep his usual blank expression in place. He had not had time to completely rebuild the wall yet, so he was not sure how successful this attempt was. "Yes," he managed to answer after a few moments of silence. He still felt uncomfortable to know that the others in the lobby were watching them, and he felt sure they were just waiting for him to show some sign of weakness again.

"Have you had breakfast yet?" Finland asked, after a few moments of silence. If he had seen through Norway's attempt at acting normal, he did not comment on it.

"Not yet, but I'm not really hungry," Norway answered. He just wanted to go back up to his room, and away from the people looking at him. As much as he wanted to see his family again, this whole meeting was just too awkward. He didn't know how to act around them anymore, and he was afraid something would happen that might let other nations learn his secret. And he just didn't know what to say to them. He wanted to ask why they had left without saying goodbye, and why they hadn't contacted him after that, but he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer.

So they finally got tired of dealing with you. He heard Scandia's words in his mind again, and shook his head to dispel the words. But that nagging doubt would not go away.

"Haldor?" Finland asked, a note of concern in his voice. "Haldor, are you alright?"

Norway heard the question, although it seemed to come from some distance, and was almost drowned out by the memory of Scandia's words. He tried to tell himself that those words weren't true. That two members of his family were right here in front of him–they weren't tired of dealing with him. As much as he was working to push the memory away, he was not completely successful, and he could feel the beginning of the tightness in his chest that signaled the coming of another attack. After several moments, he was able to try to speak, "I need to get out of here." If he could not avoid the attack, he would not have it in front of so many witnesses again.

He wasn't sure what he had expected after saying that. He hadn't really expected Sweden and Finland to just let him go, whatever Scandia may have said. But he was still a little surprised that they stayed with him. In fact, it seemed almost as if they were trying to keep him shielded somewhat from the watchers.

Most of Norway's attention was focused on trying not to surrender to the growing fear, and once they were outside, he did relax a little. It helped to know that he was no longer being stared at. To his relief, he was able to avoid a full panic attack this time, and push back the memory of Scandia's words. For several moments, he focused his complete attention on watching the traffic on the street, and finding other things he could focus on as well, anything that could remind him of where he actually was and that Scandia wasn't there. Once he felt calmer, he turned towards Sweden and Finland, who had stayed nearby, although far enough away to give him some space. "I'm alright now. You don't need to stay out here with me," he told them. You don't need to pretend that you care, was what he wanted to say.

There was an awkward silence for a few moments, before Finland said, "Norja, we didn't come out here with you because we felt we had to. We care about you, and wanted to make sure you were okay."

Norway wasn't sure what to say to that. He looked at them, searching for a sign as to whether they really cared about him, or whether they were just pretending.

"Do you want us to leave?"

"No," he said, surprising himself with that answer. He had intended to tell them to leave him alone. Especially since he knew it was only a matter of time before they would. "But I don't need you to stay," he managed to add after a few moments. It was the closest he could come to telling them to leave, when he didn't really want them to. Except for the limited contact at the previous month's meeting, Norway had not seen any of the other members of his family since January.

"Did someone in there make you uncomfortable?"

"No–I just . . ." He trailed off, unable to explain. If he admitted that he had gotten so uncomfortable because he did not like being stared at, then it would just prove how weak he really was. But then, they already knew that, didn't they? They had seen too much to not know.

The uncomfortable silence returned, as no one seemed to know what to say. Or while they were trying to think of the next question to ask him. Norway was aware that both of the others were studying him closer, but it did not make him as uncomfortable as he had been inside. After all, they were family.

"When was the last time you ate something?" Finland asked after a few moments, continuing the conversation that had been started inside.

Norway wasn't really surprised to be asked that. After all, he had admitted to not having eaten breakfast, and considering the condition he had been in a few months ago, it made sense that his family would worry about that. But he wasn't sure they would like the answer, and at first considered not answering. At last though he admitted, "Before leaving home." He refused to look at them as he admitted that.

"Y' need t' eat," Sweden said. Those were the first words he had spoken during that encounter.

"I'm not hungry." Which was actually the truth. Norway would eat when he was forced to, but he very rarely would otherwise. The fact that he had even made himself come downstairs was actually some progress. But he knew that if he went for several days without eating, he might get in trouble when he got back home, and would just have given Birger more reason to watch him constantly.

Norway could see that Sweden and Finland didn't actually believe him. The look that they exchanged made that rather obvious. He suspected that they might be trying to come up with some kind of plan to force him to eat, although he wasn't sure why they were bothering. It wasn't like he was in any danger from skipping a few meals. And anyway, he just didn't feel like eating. It wasn't like there was something wrong with that.

After a few moments, his guess that they were trying to find a way to make him eat was proved correct.

"It's been a while since our whole family was together," Finland said. "I think I'll go call Tanska and Islanti, and then all five of us can go out together to get something to eat." With that, he turned to leave and call reinforcements. Right before leaving to make the calls, he turned back long enough to say, "Talk to him."

---

A note about updates: I'm going to be doing Camp NaNo this month, which means I'll be starting a new story and trying to get 50,000 words of that new story. So, any writing I do on this will only be after I've made my daily word count on the other story. I hope to get an update up at least one more time this month, but I'm not going to make any promises. I know what's going to happen in the next chapter though, and I'm looking forward to writing it. (Among other things, Norway might finally learn the true reason his family left while he was in the hospital.)