The Long Road: Ch 16
Jan. 5th, 2012 09:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lothinielflowermaidenAuthor's Note: I'm sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up. I had really bad writer's block for most of December, due to some real life stuff. I'm a little afraid the middle of this chapter suffers from having been written while I was struggling with that, so I hope it will end up being worth the wait. As usual, the same warnings from other chapters continue to apply. (And I guess if someone is reading chapter sixteen, they've probably already seen those.)
Chapter Sixteen
The couple hours of rest did not seem to cause any noticeable change in Norway's condition. He still seemed exhausted when he woke up, and he still left most of his dinner uneaten. And like every other night recently, he still refused to go upstairs. Since the couch was still made up into a temporary bed, there was a chance that he may have gotten some sleep, but it was difficult to tell for sure in the morning. When asked about it, he had refused to answer, and once again ate only a very small amount at breakfast.
A couple of times over the course of the morning, they had attempted to get Norway to eat something, in the hope of keeping him from losing any more weight. After lunch, Finland had managed to persuade Norway to try to get some more rest. He had not yet figured out a solution to what Norway had admitted the previous day, and he knew that he what he was doing now was only a temporary solution. However, he had to do something to try to help Norway.
Denmark and Iceland both returned from their own homes in the early afternoon, having taken care of the things they needed to as quickly as possible. If it had not been for the way things had been planned, they probably would have just skipped dealing with those things. None of the family wanted to be away from Norway until his condition was more stable. They were all still too afraid of losing him.
"How's Nor?" Denmark asked as soon as they had entered the house. Going into the living room, he saw Norway resting on the couch.
"About the same. I've managed to convince him to get some rest, so try not to wake him."
Silence fell for a few moments. None of them wanted to risk disturbing Norway, as they all knew how much he needed the rest, and since he did seem to be sleeping peacefully at the moment.
"He will be alright, won't he?"
Before the previous day's conversation, that question would have been easier to answer. Now that he knew that Norway might still be in danger from Scandia, Finland no longer felt like he could guarantee that Norway would be okay. He also suspected that their conversations had only scratched the surface of the amount of pain that Norway had kept concealed for so many years. "I hope so. I think he's just gone too long without dealing with this, and that's making it harder for him."
Although none of them spoke about it, they all shared the same additional worry about Norway's physical condition. The nations were generally stronger than ordinary humans, but ultimately their bodies were still human. They could potentially come down with human illnesses, and with the condition Norway was in and the length of time he had been in that condition, that was a real risk at present. Both malnutrition and lack of sleep could weaken the immune system, after all. So, even if the emotional issues were dealt with, none of them wanted to consider this additional risk.
Norway rested through most of the afternoon. The rest of the family took turns sitting with him, and watching over him, even if most of them did not know why that was necessary. It may have been their presence that allowed Norway to be able to rest peacefully for so long though—on some level he may have known that they were watching over him and that he was safe for the moment.
Just like back on Christmas, that rest was enough that when Norway woke up shortly before dinnertime, he actually seemed a little stronger. The rest of the family hoped that was a good sign, but they didn't want to get their hopes up too high. After all, this wasn't the first time that something that had seemed to be a good sign hadn't led to that much of an improvement. But at the same time, they couldn't help hoping, as half the time it didn't seem like there was anything else they could do to help Norway. The only thing they could do was hope that he would be okay.
At dinner that night, the conversation turned to the birthdays that were coming up later that month. There were a couple of days until Denmark's birthday, and Sweden's birthday was the day after Denmark's. And then, Iceland's birthday was a little over a week later. It was a strange coincidence that four of the five members of their family all had birthdays within a month of each other, although the fact wasn't really apparent without looking at the dates, rather than just at the month.
Anyway, with three birthdays coming up, it was really no surprise that the conversation turned to what the plans were. Denmark had about the same plan he usually did, which basically meant that he had invited at least half of the world to his house.
Until that was mentioned, Norway hadn't been paying much attention to the conversation. Instead, he was concentrating on forcing himself to eat what he hoped his family would consider a decent amount of food—or at least on making them think he was eating, as his attempt at actually doing so had failed rather early in the meal.
He had thought that he wouldn't need to deal with anyone outside of the family until the world meeting at the beginning of July. He wasn't ready to have to be around so many others yet, especially without the illusion of structure that the meetings provided, and especially not after learning what kinds of things they were saying about him. He just wasn't ready to deal with all that yet, but he knew it might cause even more gossip if he didn't go.
Norway had been so distracted by his thoughts, that he had missed part of the conversation, but his attention was quickly drawn back to it by the next thing he heard.
"I'm not planning to celebrate it this year," Iceland was saying, apparently in response to having been asked what he wanted to do for his birthday.
At those words, Norway put his fork down next to his plate, all pretense of eating forgotten. The only meaning he could get from those words was that this must be another sign that Iceland was ashamed of the circumstances of his birth. He looked across the table at the younger nation, who was making a noticeable attempt not to meet his gaze—although that had become pretty standard lately. Norway had almost gotten used to the fact that ever since January, Iceland didn't even want to look at him anymore, but that didn't make it hurt any less to be rejected by his child.
"I still think you should take a little more time to consider before making that decision," Finland said, in response to Iceland's announcement.
For a few moments, a slightly uncomfortable silence fell, before the conversation moved on to other topics.
The next several days passed mostly uneventfully. The first two of the June birthdays were celebrated, pretty much the same way they were every year.
Nothing more had been said about Iceland's decision to not celebrate his birthday that year. After all, there was still a little time before his birthday, and some members of the family believed (or rather, hoped) that he would change his mind before then. The true reason behind that choice had not been talked about, and Finland remained the only person who was aware of Iceland's reasons.
Of course, Norway thought that he knew why Iceland had made that decision, and he took it as a sign that Iceland was rejecting the truth about their relationship. On some level he was aware of the fact that he really did need to talk to Iceland, but he wasn't ready to handle what might come out of that conversation.
Ever since June's World Meeting, Norway's main focus had been on trying to at least make his family think that he was recovering. He tried to make it look like he was actually eating at meal times, and as they had not said anything to him, he thought he was successfully fooling them.
The one thing he had not been able to do was force himself to go upstairs. A couple of times he had gone to the foot of the stairs, and tried to force himself to ascend them, but he had never been successful. And, after a few moments, he would have to give up, to fend off the panic attack that threatened to hit him every time he tried. Usually, if he went into the living room, he would be able to calm down without his family noticing that he had been upset at all.
To some extent, the pretense did seem to be working, as the others no longer seemed to be watching him quite so closely. They seemed to have gotten used to his reluctance to go upstairs, as none of them had said anything about it again. The one thing that they did make sure to do was ensure that he was eating, but even there, the pretense seemed to be working, and his family seemed to have no idea how little he was actually eating.
In reality, though, the others hadn't really stopped watching him. They were still keeping a close eye on him, but for the time being had decided not to push him too hard. As far as they could see, Norway seemed to be showing some signs of recovering, although they did suspect that he might not be doing as well as he was trying to make them think. But they were afraid that if they pushed him too hard, they might drive him away. So they were making an effort to give him some space, and to conceal just how worried they were about him.
And of course, they had other things to think about as well, and could not spend twenty-four hours a day making sure that Norway was alright. They all had their own work to do, although they were careful to make sure that at least one of them was always at the house—just in case, although none of them could say exactly what it was that they were worried about.
Also, after the conversation about birthdays, all of the adults in the family had become aware of the fact that a situation might be developing with Iceland as well. None of them were quite sure whether his decision not to celebrate his birthday that year was a good idea or not, but it was a pretty obvious sign that something might be going on with him.
There was only a week left before Iceland's birthday when Norway made his first (and possibly only) attempt to talk to his brother. Truthfully, it was the first chance he had gotten to make an attempt as they were never in a room alone together anymore—hadn't been since that motel room after January's meeting.
It was just a little bit after dinner time, and the rest of the family were all busy with other things at the moment, leaving the two of them alone in the living room. Neither of them had really spoken the other for several months, in fact, the last time that they had really talked had been on Christmas, and since early January, they had mostly avoided each other. Even now, they were close enough to being on opposite sides of the room so that it still looked like they were avoiding each other.
For a while, neither of them spoke, or, in fact, seemed to want to speak. That in itself was not terribly unusual, but there was an uncomfortable heaviness to the silence that would not ordinarily have been there. There were too many things that needed to be said between them that neither knew where to start.
"Island." Norway was the first to break the silence, although he hesitated after speaking his brother's name. He knew the things they needed to talk about, but he couldn't bring himself to actually say anything more. Writing that letter the previous summer had been difficult enough. He would have been quite satisfied to have never needed to talk about that time in his life, to have never had Iceland learn the true nature of their relationship. And somewhere, among all the other things he was trying to deal with, there was hurt that his child had apparently decided to reject him.
Iceland put aside the folder of papers he had been looking through. Due to his younger age, he was not given the same amount of work that the adult nations were, but his boss had given him some papers to look over. He would probably need to look at them again later, but going through them had at least given him something to focus on other than the fact that he was alone in a room with someone who he believed that his presence caused an unpleasant reminder to. He looked over at his brother, but did not say anything.
The silence fell again, before Norway managed to ask the question that had been on his mind since dinner several days before. "Are you really not doing anything for your birthday?" It took all of his willpower to keep his voice as emotionless as usual, and not give away just how strongly he felt about the subject.
"I was thinking of going home for a few days," Iceland said. "I need to get these papers back anyway, and that seems like a good time to do so." Although the shortcut that nations could use to travel between their houses made travel from one country to another really simple, Iceland did live further away from the rest of the family, and was the least likely to just be able to run home for part of a day, the way some of the others did during family get-togethers.
The silence fell again, as neither of them was willing to go where this conversation might take them. At last, Norway asked, "Is there some reason you don't want a family celebration this year?" He was hoping his suspicion was wrong and this was just some teenage thing.
"It just doesn't seem appropriate this year, with everything that's happened."
That wasn't quite the answer that Norway had been dreading, but it was close enough. And he knew what "everything that's happened" must refer to. He could understand enough to know it was because of him, even if Iceland hadn't come right out and said so. As that understanding dawned, his usual emotionless mask failed, and he looked noticeable stricken.
Once again silence fell, neither of them knowing what to say. However, it was not that much longer before the rest of the family entered the room. They could immediately tell that something was wrong, although none of them had any idea exactly what had happened. The safest thing seemed to be to bring up a subject that seemed to be completely unrelated to anything bad, and that seemed to work. The brief conversation that Norway and Iceland had had appeared to be forgotten.
Despite his attempt at making the rest of the family think he was alright, Norway was still thinking about his conversation with Iceland. That conversation, and the suspicion it had given him that Iceland really was going to reject their true relationship, was not something he could easily forget, as much as he wished he could.
The next day, he increased his efforts to convince his family that he was recovering, in the hope of being able to return to his own house. He was glad that he was allowed to spend time with his family again, but at the same time he wanted to be alone and not have to worry about making sure that he didn't look any weaker than he already had. And, he needed to deal with that fact that one of the things he had been dreading since the secret had come up was probably going to happen. However, he wanted to be alone to deal with it, and not let them see how much it hurt him.
It was with that intention in mind that he found himself standing at the foot of the stairs again that evening after dinner. He had somehow ended up with sometime to himself, as the rest of the family was all attending to other things, and they all thought that he was in the living room. So, he decided to make the most of that time, and use it force himself to finally go upstairs. After all, as long as he refused to go upstairs, his family would never think he could be left alone for longer than the brief periods of time that they were leaving him alone now.
And yet, he still hesitated, knowing what memories might be waiting if he managed to make it all the way upstairs. After all, most of the recent things Scandia had done to him had all happened up there. This house was the place where they had spent most of Scandia's visit. It was in fact the only physical place to have a large number of those memories associated with it. The home he had grown up in was long gone—erased by the way the world had changed since then.
Summoning all of his resolve, Norway managed to take a couple of steps up the stairs. He could feel the pain in his chest increasing, and it was getting harder for him to catch his breath. He tightened his grip on the railing, and forced himself to take another step and then another.
The further up the staircase he went, the tighter his grip on the railing became. He stopped about halfway up and looked around warily. Seeing no one around, he forced himself to ascend the rest of the way—the tight grip on the railing the only thing keeping him from falling, as his legs were growing increasingly shaky, and he was beginning to feel lightheaded. He wasn't sure if that was because it was becoming increasingly difficult to catch his breath or because most of his dinner had once again gone uneaten.
By the time he actually made it upstairs, both the shakiness and the lightheadedness had increased to the point where he needed to sit down on the floor and wait for it to pass. He leaned back against the wall and tried to concentrate on heading off the panic attack that he could feel threatening to overwhelm him.
There was very little light in the upstairs hallway and nothing that he could focus on to distract himself. There was no sound other than the sound of his heartbeat throbbing in his hears. It was beating much faster than normal, and the pain in his chest was still increasing. Gradually, it became to seem to him that what little light there was in the hall was fading, but he tried to tell himself he was imagining it.
Norway drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, trying to make himself as small as possible and to hide, as he became convinced that he could hear footsteps approaching.
A hand closed around his upper arm, the grip tightening painfully until he was sure he would have a bruise there later. Before he had time to react, he was being pushed back against the wall, leaving him no chance of escaping.
"I thought my orders for what you were to do with the child were clear," Scandia said, clearly unhappy about not having his orders followed. Despite his obvious anger though he was careful to keep his voice quiet enough that the rest of the family would not overhear anything from their own rooms. "You were supposed to leave it behind to die, so no one would know it ever existed."
Norway could not bring himself to look directly at his father, but he did manage to find the strength to reply. "I couldn't do that to him," he whispered. That was the one thing he had ever defied Scandia about. He had not been able to kill his own child.
"You're lucky I had already been warned that you had kept the child. Although, I must say I was surprised when I was informed that my fourth son had been found, when as far as I was aware, I only had three children."
"He doesn't know anything," Norway said. "None of them do. They all believe that I just found him."
"So, no one has any idea what you're capable of?" Scandia was still keeping Norway pinned back against the wall, and now, if anything, he seemed to be even more threatening than he had been a moment again. "Remember, if anyone finds out our little secret, I will make sure they also learn how much of a little freak you are."
At that moment, Norway wanted nothing more than to get away from his father. He had tried so hard to avoid this confrontation—he had waited until everything else had gone upstairs, hoping that then he would be able to slip into his room before Scandia could attempt anything. But, Scandia had been waiting for him right at the top of the stairs.
He briefly considered the idea of making some noise loud enough to draw the attention of the rest of the family, believing that they would not allow Scandia to harm him. But then, he allowed himself to imagine what would happen if any of them learned the full story—if they learned how much of a freak of nature he really was. He could easily believe that they would reject him if they learned the truth—maybe even just if they learned how weak he had been. And what if they tried to take control of him again? Even if they didn't do that, he doubted they would ever be able to look at him the same way again.
The knowledge of what he believed would happen was enough to make him keep silent and make no attempts to escape. He knew from experience that he had very little chance of getting away from his father—and, as all of the memories that he had tried so long to keep buried began to come to the surface, he could not even make an attempt.
For a few moments, they both stood there in silence, and Norway felt his apprehension growing as to what his father might be about to do. He knew that Scandia must have something in mind other than making sure that no one ever learned of the things that had happened between them years ago. And he suspected it would be what he had been dreading since he had learned that Scandia was coming to visit.
Scandia's next words were enough to confirm that suspicion. "Well, if you don't want anyone to find out, perhaps we should continue this someplace more private. Which of these rooms is yours?"
Norway hesitated. Enough family gatherings were held at this house, that he knew he would have to be able to use his room here again. And he knew that if he allowed Scandia in there that would never happen. It was more than just that, though. He did not want to have to go through what he knew would happen as soon as Scandia actually got him alone in one of the bedrooms. As long as they were out here in the hall, the risk of discovery was too great, and Scandia would not do any more than threaten.
Scandia leaned over to whisper into his ear. "I've been waiting upstairs long enough to know who all the occupied rooms belong to. And, if you want out of our little arrangement, I guess I could use the time to get to know the son I didn't know I had."
"Stay away from him." As much as he did not want to go through what he knew was coming, Norway knew that he could not allow Scandia to harm Iceland. He knew what to expect from his father, and he could survive it again, if necessary, as long as he knew that his child was safe and would never have to go through that. "I'll do what you want."
Scandia relaxed his grip enough for Norway to show him which room to go to.
Someone was calling his name, although the sound seemed to come from far away. Norway opened his eyes, and was surprised to find himself alone in the upstairs hall. He looked around frantically, expected to see Scandia lurking the shadows, but there was no one there. He really was alone, and he had no idea how he had gotten here.
Once again, he heard his name being called, but this time he recognized the voices of his family, and realized that they must have noticed he was no longer downstairs. But he had no idea how long it would take them to think to look upstairs for him, given his refusal to come upstairs. He wasn't even sure how he had ended up upstairs, when he had no memory of having actually climbed the stairs. At the moment, the only thing he could remember clearly was the first night of Scandia's visit, but he knew that had been almost a year ago.
He vaguely remembered standing at the bottom of the stairs, trying to force himself to get over the weakness that kept him from being able to face the upstairs, and the memories that lurked up here.
His family was still calling his name, and he could tell they were worried about him. And that they would not think to look upstairs. In fact, given his previous behavior, they would be more likely to think that he had run away again.
"I'm up here," he called. He had to repeat it a couple of times before he was able to speak loud enough to be heard downstairs. A few moments later, he heard footsteps on the stairs.
Author's Notes:
Before I get into the various explanatory notes, I would like to see a special thanks to of quills on parchment for their review of the last chapter. That review was one of the things that really helped me to get over my writer's block. I would also like to let them know that they were on the right track with the questions they asked, and that I will be elaborating on that in an upcoming chapter.
And now onto the explanatory notes. I can't remember if I talked about the birthdays back when I wrote the chapter about Norway's birthday or not. If I did, please bear with me, because I am going to talk about birthdays again. I guess it's pretty obvious in this story, that they were all actually born. Their birthdays really are the day that they were born on, and the same magic that allows them to exist in the first place also causes them to eventually end up with a national holiday on the day they were born. (Also, as for the coincidence of several of the birthdays being grouped together the way they are, it might not be a coincidence, at least in the case of three of them.)
Okay, a few chapters ago, a reviewer asked me if the various nightmares and flashbacks that Norway keeps having are waking visions or nightmares. I dealt with the answer to that a little in the last chapter, by clarifying that some of those are more than just nightmares. However, the flashbacks in chapter eleven and in this chapter were both just actual flashbacks. And, the flashback in this chapter could also be considered a missing scene from "Family Secrets" since it is taking place during the time covered by that story.
Also, the scene in this chapter where Norway and Iceland just happened to be left alone in the living room was actually a set-up by the rest of the family. It was an attempt at getting them to talk to each other, but it didn't go quite the way the others were hoping it would. (And that fact that I kept going back and forth on the way I describe their relationship is intentional, because they're not quite sure which relationship should be the primary one. And even with their true relationship more or less revealed [at least within the family], they are still brothers since they have the same father.)
The next chapter should be out before too long, as I'm going to start working on it later today. And this story is the only one I will be working on until it is finished, so with any luck, I'll be able to update on a regular basis from now on.
