Long Road Ch19

[lothinielflowermaiden]

Warning: The warnings from previous chapters still apply. In addition, I need to add a warning for talk about a possibly impending character death (meaning that other characters are aware that's a possibility and are going to talk about it).

Chapter Nineteen

Norway was aware that he had made a mistake trying to go downstairs that morning. He had realized that as soon as he had started to fall, but he had been so desperate to escape. And now, he had no chance of being able to escape if he needed to, since he wasn't allowed to put any weight on his ankle for at least two weeks.

He had been allowed to leave the hospital once someone from his government had come by to check on him. True to the word that had been given earlier, he was allowed to go home with his family, but he wasn't sure how he felt about that.

Norway knew now that his family cared about him and that they were trying to help him. He just wasn't sure if he could trust them when it was so hard to trust anyone. And all the time there was this nagging doubt in the back of his mind—what if they were only pretending to care and really had the same opinion of him that Scandia did. For as long as he could remember, Scandia had told him that he never should have been born or that he should have died with his mother. And then, later, had come the other accusations. Even once Scandia had left, Norway had still never been allowed to forget his father's true opinion of him—the dreams had made sure of that. And that whole time, he had been aware that his older brothers resented him because they saw him as their father's favorite, and possibly blamed him for their mother's death.

Once he was back at the house, he had been settled on the couch, with an extra cushion for his ankle so that he could keep it elevated. And he wasn't left alone at all. At least one member of his family was in the living room with him at all times, and he knew they were just waiting for the opportunity to question him. In order to avoid having to answer questions, Norway had spent most of the remainder of the afternoon pretending to be asleep.

He had managed to avoid any conversation until shortly before dinner, when he was asked a question that he did have to answer.

"Do you feel up to joining us at the table for dinner, or would you rather have something brought to you in here?"

He was tempted to ask if skipping dinner was a valid option, but he knew his family wouldn't allow that. But he really didn't feel like going to the table. He was sore almost all over from the bruises he had sustained in the fall, and he didn't want to have to ask his family for help if there was any other option. So, after a few moments thought, he said, "I'd rather stay in here."

"Alright. You are going to have to eat, though. You can't afford to lose any more weight."

When the tray of food was brought to him, Norway forced himself to choke down a few bites. Even though he really didn't feel like eating, it at least allowed him to delay the discussion that he knew was coming. There were questions that would be asked that he really didn't want to answer—that he didn't even have an answer to in some cases, and he was desperate to find a way to put it off.

To his surprise—and relief—the discussion did not happen that evening. Instead, after dinner, the entire family gathered in the living room, and it was just like any other evening that they were together. But he wondered if the others were just delaying the questioning until after Sealand went to bed.

Even then, though, they did not ask him the questions he had been dreading. Instead, there continued to be no sign that this was anything other than a normal evening.

Despite the relief Norway felt at not being asked questions he could not answer, he still felt uneasy. During the hours that he had spent in the hospital, he had felt free from that uneasiness, but now it threatened to overwhelm him again. Even downstairs, he had to constantly fight the urge to look at any shadowy part of the room. He had felt a vague uneasiness for a while—he wasn't really sure exactly when it had started. He knew only that it had been getting stronger since the previous night, but that it had stopped while he was out of the house. And, as much as he tried to tell himself that there was nothing in the house to be afraid of, the feeling would not go away. Any moment, he kept expecting to feel a hand clamp onto his arm or shoulder, to be pulled into some secluded room, to be reminded that the things his father did to him were all that he was good for. Even as the unease continued to grow, he did his best to conceal it from his family.

As it began to get later, it grew harder to him to keep back the exhaustion he felt. It had been kind of a long day, and he was still tired from how little he had slept the previous night—as well as from the previous night's events. Eventually, the exhaustion got the best of him, and he drifted off into sleep without being asked any of the questions that he had been dreading.

---

The rest of the family had chosen not to say anything to Norway that day. Most of them were unaware of just how important it was to get Norway to talk about what was bothering him, and they were all aware of the fact that he was not ready to talk yet. So, for that day, they had fallen back on their old tactic of merely keeping an eye on him. After all, they had yet to come up with another plan.

It was something of a relief to them when Norway fell asleep. They had seen signs of the uneasiness he was trying to conceal, and had been a little worried that he might try to force himself to stay awake all night, which would definitely not be good for his condition.

"He probably shouldn't sleep on the couch," Finland said, once they were all sure that Norway was asleep. "Considering his injuries, he'd be better off in a bed."

That did cause a slight problem, since there weren't any bedrooms downstairs, and they were a little worried about taking Norway upstairs. But, sleeping on the couch while he was injured wasn't a good idea, so there wasn't much choice except to take him upstairs.

"I'll take him up," Denmark said. Getting up from the chair he had been sitting in, he walked over to the couch. As carefully as possible, he lifted Norway into his arms. Norway stirred a little as he was lifted, but did not wake and had soon drifted back into full sleep, as he was carried out of the living room.

"Put him in the same room he was in last night. Some of his things were moved in there earlier." That was one of the things that had been taken care of during the afternoon, while Norway had been resting in the living room.

"I'm going upstairs too," Iceland said, a few moments later. Whether he was going upstairs because he was ready to go to bed or because he concerned about Norway was left unsaid. It may even have been a combination of those reasons.

Sweden and Finland were now left alone in the living room, probably for the rest of the evening, as they suspected that Denmark and Iceland would both want to stay close to Norway after that morning's events.

"Wh't aren't y' telling th'm?" Sweden asked, after a few moments had passed without any of the others returning.

Finland did not answer right away. "I've just been thinking about some things I learned from the doctor that's been taking care of Norja," he said at last. He wasn't sure how much he should say about that conversation, especially about what had been said at the end of it. After all, he couldn't ignore that fact that Sweden was also one of Norway's older brothers.

"'nd h' gave y' some kind of bad news 'bout Norge?"

Finland nodded. "I asked him how much time he thought we had to save Norja, and he said that we might have only a few weeks before Norja starts developing serious complications from not eating. And if we don't find a way to get through to Norja, then he might not survive past the end of the summer. I don't want Tanska and Islanti to know. It's difficult enough for them to accept that we might not be able to do anything, without knowing how little time might be left."

"W'll figure out a way t' help h'm."

"His doctor said that we need to get him to talk, but he obviously doesn't want to talk right now. And the things that are bothering him may go back further than we can deal with. I think we might be up against something that he has been told his whole life. It might take more than we're capable of to convince him differently." He was silent for a few moments, wondering whether or not to say anything else. He suspected that there was more to what was going on than Norway had been willing to talk about, and he hoped that other members of the family might have some of the missing pieces of information. "Do you know what happened when Norja was born? Something he said one time indicated that Scandia's treatment of him goes back to that."

"I d'n't know any more than y' probably already kn'w. Danmark would probably remember more from back th'n."

"Apparently, Scandia was telling Norja something about what happened back then, and made him think the entire family hated him for that." Finland didn't come right out and say what it was that Norway had been blamed for, mainly because there was no really information about what had happened. Norway had mentioned a couple of things about what Scandia had been telling him, and that was it.

"Our mother died wh'n Norge w's born, b't w' never blamed h'm for th't. I guess our father could h've, though; he didn't take 't well. Th't w's when w' were left with Germania."

That bit of information was pretty much all that had ever been spoken off about what had happened back then. Scandia had basically abandoned all three of his sons with their uncle after their mother had died. The mother had been said to have died in childbirth, even though there were no records of any other nations having died that way—there were rumors that was one of the ways that a nation could die, but the only one who seemed to have actually died in childbirth was the mother of the three Scandinavians. Then, a few years after leaving his sons with Germania, Scandia had shown up again and taken Norway back with him. But why had Scandia wanted Norway back after having gotten rid of all three children for several years? And why had he been so determined to make Norway feel responsible for his mother's death, and to make him believe the whole family shared that opinion? It was possible that could have been Scandia's attempt to isolate Norway from the rest of the family, in order to conceal the abuse, but it just seemed like there was more to what had happened. Something about what had happened back then might be important, since it seemed to be what lay at the root of the abuse Norway had been subjected to. But it seemed impossible to find out about events that had happened so long ago, and would not even be directly recorded in history. The only possible source of information seemed to be if either Denmark or Sweden could remember something from back then. There was a least a slim chance that one of them might know something that would give the family a chance at getting through to Norway in time to save him. It might be the only chance.

"I'll ask Tanska about it tomorrow," Finland said. "I just hope that he might know something that will allow us to help Norja." He left unsaid that fact that finding out information from back then might be their only chance to help Norway.

For a while, they talked about things other than the situation with Norway, but it remained at the back of their minds. And there was one other thing that was bothering them. The situation with Norway was taking a lot of attention from the whole family and with the deadline approaching, it was going to take even more of their attention. Although, they both believed that it was important to do everything they could to save Norway, they also had their responsibilities as parents to consider. The more time they spent concentrating on Norway, the less time they would have for their son. And if the situation did worsen, it was possible that other things might happen that they did not want their son to witness. So, before too much longer, they would need to look into seeing if they could find someone for Sealand to stay with for at least a few weeks—long enough for whatever was going to happen with Norway's situation to happen, and for things to have gone one way or the other. That was something they would need to talk about in the next day or so, but for now it went unsaid.

---

Over the course of that night, the adult members of the family had taken turns watching over Norway. They were worried that he might wake up and be frightened to find himself upstairs, or that he might have another nightmare, but to their relief he had slept through the night, getting some of the sleep that he needed in order to recover. In fact, he had actually gotten more sleep than the rest of the family had, since they had all taken turns staying awake to watch over him. But it was worth it if they could keep him safe for that much longer.

Although Iceland had not formally participated in this watch, he had still managed to check on his brother a couple of times during the night. He was also beginning to reconsider his idea to go back to his own home soon. According to his original plan, he had been planning to leave the next day, and stay at his own home until after his birthday. But, now he did not want to be away from Norway for any length of time—he was too afraid that another crisis would occur while he was away and that he might never see Norway again if he left. Still, even with these fears fresh in his mind, he could bring himself to bridge the gap that had grown between them since January, and whenever he checked on Norway, he never went further than to look into the room.

He had wanted to enter the room a few times, but he just wasn't sure how to face Norway. Things had gotten even more awkward than usual between them since January. And, he just didn't know what to think—he wasn't sure if he was supposed to think of Norway as his brother or as his parent, when both of those were true. And he was still a little afraid that his very existence was a reminder of what had happened to Norway. Those seemed to be pretty good reasons for Iceland not to enter Norway's room, at least not while Norway might actually be awake. And by the time morning came, he still had not managed to convince himself to enter his brother's room.

After a quick look through the open door of the bedroom to reassure himself that Norway was alright—or at least not any worse—Iceland had gone downstairs where most of the rest of the family had gathered.

Well, actually the only one downstairs were Sweden, Finland, and Sealand. Denmark was still upstairs, keeping an eye on Norway; he had barely left Norway's side since the accident the previous morning. Of course, that might be a good thing if Norway really was still in danger from Scandia—it would be good if he had someone with him who would not allow him to be hurt if it could be avoided. And part of it may have been the same foreboding that Iceland was feeling—that there was a good chance that Norway might not survive another crisis, and that another crisis was surely coming—just as all the previous ones had kept coming every time it had seemed things were getting better.

The members of the family that were downstairs were all in the kitchen/dining area, having breakfast. Iceland joined them, but did not participate in any conversation after a brief exchange of good mornings.

"Was it today or tomorrow that you were planning to go back to your own home?" Finland asked, a while later.

"Tomorrow, but I'm not sure if I'm going after all," Iceland said. "But I haven't changed my mind about not celebrating." He added that last part, because he knew that Finland was still trying to get him to change his mind. And he was still determined that he did not want to celebrate his birthday—especially given the condition that Norway was currently in. Plus, he wasn't sure how he personally felt about his own birthday—he was disturbed enough by the circumstances of his conception that celebrating a birthday this year just didn't feel right. And he really was worried that his birth might be something that Norway did not like to be reminded of.

"Have you talked to Norja about your decision at all?"

"A couple of days ago—when you tricked us into being alone in the living room. We didn't talk about it that much, though. I didn't want to risk upsetting him." Iceland knew that something he had said in the brief conversation had upset Norway, but he had no idea what it might have been. It just added more strength to his theory that Norway did hold the circumstances of his conception and birth against him, and that talking about them at all hurt him. Not wanting to say anything else on that subject, Iceland turned his attention back to his breakfast. But he was still thinking about what he was going to do about his birthday.

---

The first thing Norway became aware of when he woke up was the pain—the bruises were even more painful than they had been the day before, and he felt as though every inch of his body hurt, even though the bruising wasn't quite that extensive. The second thing he became aware of was that although he was sure he remembered going to sleep on the couch downstairs, he was now in bed in one of the spare rooms upstairs. The third thing he noticed once he found the energy to turn his head, was that Denmark was sitting in a chair by the bed, watching him.

Norway tried to sit up, but he was too stiff from some of the bruising to be able to move easily. He hated how weak he must look right now, especially after the events of the last two days. If he had been ashamed of looking weak before, it was even worse now. Now, he couldn't even walk unaided because of his ankle.

And he wanted to be alone—not to be the subject of some vigil by the rest of the family. It wasn't like he was dying or something. Sure, he was going through a difficult time, and maybe he wasn't in the best condition but he'd had the situation under control. He knew what he was doing. And if family couldn't understand that, then maybe he needed to be somewhere they couldn't constantly watch him.

"I don't need you to watch me all the time," he said at last, voicing some of what he was thinking.

"If you're actually in danger, you should have someone with you. I'm not going to let you be killed."

"I'm not going to be—" Norway trailed off, when he realized the possible significance of that last comment. The rest of his family must have been told about the nightmares, and he really hadn't wanted them to know about those. He didn't want the people who had controlled him for so long to know that he was so weak he couldn't even protect himself from a dream. At the moment, the uneasiness that was becoming his constant companion had lifted enough that he was able to make the attempt to do some damage control. "I'm not in any danger," he managed to say. "I just have nightmares sometimes—that's all. I don't need someone watching over me all the time."

"Nor, I promised that I would protect you."

Norway had to restrain himself from replying to that. He wanted to ask where that protection had been years ago, when the whole thing with Scandia had been happening—when he would have given anything to have one of his older brothers actually do something to protect him. Later, centuries of having to endure their protection had made him convinced that he wanted nothing to do with any protection either of his older brothers might offer. "I'm not your province anymore—I haven't been for almost two hundred years. I don't need you to protect me." And when I did want it you weren't around, he thought.

"Nor—"

"Just leave me alone. I don't need to be watched right now. It's not like I can go anywhere."

Before either of them could say anything else, there was a knock at the partially open door, and then Finland entered the room. When he saw that Norway was awake he came over closer to the bed. "I came to see if you were awake yet, Norja, and to find out if you wanted breakfast brought to you up here, or of you would rather have someone bring you downstairs."

"I would rather stay up here. Alone." He really didn't want to be around the others right now. He had been trying to find a way to be allowed to leave, but obviously that wasn't going to happen. So, now he just needed to find a way to avoid the talk that he knew was coming. He did not miss the look that the others exchanged, and was expecting them to refuse his request.

"You can eat up here if you want," Finland told him after a few moments. "And it probably wouldn't hurt if you were left alone for a little while, under two conditions: you have to actually eat something, and you have to call someone if you need to get up. You can't put any weight on your ankle yet. And then, later, we are going to have to talk."

"I don't want to talk," Norway insisted, again. "I don't feel like having anything I tell you repeated to the rest of the family—after I told you not to tell them anything." He turned his head away, and closed his eyes, determined to ignore their presence in the room until he was actually left alone. At first he wasn't sure if they would really leave, but after a few moments, he could hear them leaving the room. He kept his eyes closed until he was alone, and then opened them.

Norway knew that he would only have a few moments alone before someone brought breakfast up to him, and he knew that the conversation he had been trying to delay would have to take place that afternoon. He was running out of excuses to delay it, but he couldn't let his family know that he didn't remember coming upstairs—and he especially couldn't let them know that that wasn't the only gap in his memory. They were watching him too closely as it was.

---

After the events of the past two days, the rest of the family had some doubts about leaving Norway alone—especially upstairs. Even a short time seemed incredibly risky. There was no guarantee that he wouldn't try to go down the stairs again, and right now he wasn't even supposed to be walking that much because of his injured ankle—and the injury actually increased the chances that he might fall again.

The one advantage was that this time gave the rest of them more time to come up with a strategy. Only two members of the family knew the extent to which time might be running out, but all of them were aware that they needed to get through to Norway soon. It had been almost a year since Scandia's visit, and something about that fact added to sense of urgency they all felt. Although they knew that it was the anniversary of only the most recent incidents, they all felt that there was something important about it—that they needed to help Norway to deal with what Scandia had done before that day arrived.

Finland had taken some breakfast upstairs for Norway, before coming back down to join the rest of the family in the living room. That room was the closest to the stairs, and gave them the best chance of being sure of hear if Norway did call them for any reason. No one wanted to take the chance of another accident.

"I'm going to go back up and try to talk to him later, after he has had a chance to eat something. But if I can't get him to talk this time, I'm not sure what to do."

"He's going to be alright, though, isn't he? We will find a way to help him?"

The look that Sweden and Finland exchanged upon hearing that question did not go unnoticed by the other two, but they were not sure what to make of it. After a few moments, Finland said, "We're going to do everything we can to help Norja, but we can only do so much if he's not willing to accept help. We have to get him to realize how much we really do care about him, and that we want him to survive. And somehow we have to get him to think differently about things that he has been told for most of his life."

They all remembered the things that Scandia had said to Norway during that confrontation the previous summer, but it had not really occurred to them that Scandia may have been saying things like that all along. But with that realization, other things also began to become clear. Thing that had never seemed important before—like the way Norway had changed after going to live with Scandia and how he had always distanced himself a little after that. Scandia must have done something to make Norway want to distance himself from the others. But, most of them had no clear idea of the kind of things that Scandia might have really been telling Norway.

"Among other things, Scandia may have gone as far as to attempt to convince Norja that he never should have been born." Finland didn't like betraying Norway's confidence by revealing this to the others, but they all needed to know what they were up against. He would have to tell them what little he knew about what had been done to Norway. "And Norja believes that the whole family felt that way—Scandia tried to make him believe that you hated him."

The fact that Scandia had been telling Norway that was one of the few concrete pieces of information the rest of the family had to go on. They weren't really sure of the full extent of the abuse or exactly how long it had gone on for. The only thing known about when it had started was Norway's statement in the letter that he did not remember how it started. That could mean one of two things—either he had been too young to remember, or he had blocked out the memory. But, Denmark and Sweden both remembered that Norway had only been about three years old in human years when Scandia had taken him, and they hoped the abuse had not started that early.

And none of them had any idea how to combat the fact that Norway had been told that he never should have been born.

"But why would he feel that way? We've never given Nor any reason to think that we hate him."

"I'm not sure, although the fact that you spent a few hundred years treating him like your property probably doesn't help. And, I think he's afraid that you secretly blame him for your mother's death, especially since you're old enough to remember her."

"But her death wasn't Nor's fault! She would have died anyway."

Those words hung in the air, as silence fell. That statement went against much of what had been previously known. It had never been something that was really talked about, but the whole family had known that that the mother of the Scandinavians had died when Norway was born. The logical conclusion from that fact was that she had died because of his birth, and that certainly seemed to be what Norway had been told by Scandia.

"Norja believes that it was his fault, though. He's never been told differently. And, he thinks that's the reason for the things his father did to him. But, if what he was told is a lie, then what really happened?"

"She got hurt right before he was born, and that was why she died. She knew she was dying." That was about all that Denmark really remembered, since he had only been around five or six years old at the time, and hadn't been told much about what was happening. He knew enough to be certain that their mother had died from injuries received in some kind of accident, but it had never occurred to him to mention this before.

"You need to tell Norja about this. Knowing the truth might help him to recover—it might help him realize that he isn't to blame for his mother's death."

"If I'd had any idea what was being done to Nor, I would have told him. I was supposed to protect him."

"You did protect him. You were the one who found out that Scandia was hurting him. If you hadn't, then Scandia might have stayed longer, and something worse might have happened. The important thing is that we know about what happened to Norja, and that we are doing everything we can to help him. And, we don't know if anything would have happened differently if you had told him before." Finland looked over at the clock, trying to figure out whether or not Norway had had enough time alone yet. "In a few more minutes, I'm going to go back upstairs to talk to Norja. And, then, I think we all need to talk to him. He needs to know that we all care about him, and that we don't agree with the things that Scandia was telling him. If we can make him see that we care about him, then we might have a chance of getting through to him."

That was still the best plan any of them could come up with. They could only hope that it would be enough and that they had enough time to make it work. The cost of failure was too high in this situation, and none of them wanted to pay it. None of them even wanted to consider the fact that they might lose Norway if they did not find a way to help him soon.

---

Author's notes:

Since today is the one year anniversary of the day I posted "Family Secrets," I thought it was a good day to post this chapter. The next chapter should be out sometime later this month, or by early April at the latest. I'm already working on it, but it looks like it will be a long chapter unless I find a good place to break it up. (If I don't, it might be closer to the length of chapter eleven, if not longer.)

This is the first time I've really mentioned what happened to the mother of the three Scandanavians, although I think I've said that she died when Norway was born. However, what really happened is a little more complicated than that, and will be revealed in a later chapter. In the meantime, does anyone want to guess what really happened?